The real reason(s) people wouldn't choose suicide

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
#41
Something just happened to me at work that makes me want to die right now. The only thing saving me is I don't want to die. Yes I have both feelings and I think they are both rational. How to explain with out specifics, I don't know. But there is so much in my life related to this that I just believe that I soon will be too weary to handle any more. At that time I may not want to fight killing myself or I may increase in desire to die or the real demon will just take control and do me in or maybe I will just fall apart and not function anymore. It is getting so intense and finding new help so unproductive. And everyone says my problem is me and not a demon. Well I have to ask; might I be so much an enemy to myself that the enemy / demon will win and no matter how rational or irrational either of us are, this body will die by action, not old age or accident or other illness???
 
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justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#43
I would switch that from ''I did not want to transfer my pain to my daughters'' to ''I love my daughters and I want to spend as much time with them as possible''.

In other words, for every negative reason you have not to kill yourself, transform it into a positive one.
So switch from ''I better not because...'' to ''Life is good because...''

That's what I was trying to get at in my original post, but I'm not very good at explaining myself.
I understand. Those were the thoughts I had at the time. My mind would not believe things could get better for me. It was my own reality. I am good now.
 

ysidroxxx

Well-Known Member
#45
I totally agree with the original two reasons which are the ones I share. As for positive reasons I feel none. Being much older I feel the walls closing in and the realistic possibilities left to me to be less and less appealing. Too little to hope for in exchange for too much effort, and too much pain in case of failure. On both the personal and professional fronts. If I weren't so good at seeming competent others would notice, but I'm really skilled at hiding stuff. Still, I like to play games in which I almost do the deed or put myself in situations where I might accidentally off myself, so that I'm not officially committing suicide but go anyway. The rest of the time I motor through my work like a zombie.
 

gypsylee

SF Supporter
#47
Been a while since you said this, just saw it though. Can’t say how positive a reason it is, but it’s one I respect the hell out of.
Ha. Pretty sure I liked that one at the time. I don’t know if I even respect it, but it’s one of my motivations. I’ve even done things then and there to improve my health and increase my chances of survival after a certain person has upset me. In the old days I’d get drunk, but that was exactly what he wanted.
 

rebeccaspins

Well-Known Member
#48
I understand your argument but I'm still not so sure. For the first one, yes, that's probably true in many cases. As for the bravery, I feel like suicide can be a brave option in the sense that someone would rather run the risk of nothingness/something worse for the slim chance of escaping what they find so miserable. An obvious reason for not choosing suicide is its permanence. Even if we have the most awful lives (subjective/influenced by depression, of course), we often cling to the hope that somehow it must/is likely to get better at some point in time. Whatever suicide leads to, or doesn't lead to, is irreversible. I agree with the 'red flags'. And that glimmer of hope that we could have something to offer/enjoy is something invaluable.
 

Mike33

Active Member
#49
This is in a sense what I try to tell people for longer term solutions. You've got to try to find something to live for that isn't based on others. What if the wife leaves or the dog dies and that was all you were hanging on to?
That being said, some days its all you've got. The smallest string to grasp at - and thats ok too. Whatever gets you another hour, another day.
Everything we have in our life is based on others or at least something another. Without it we have only our naked body and soul with our thoughts and dreams.
 

Mike33

Active Member
#50
I want to add few more words to this topic from my own experience.
My reasons to die:
- lost all property and all money that I had
- don't have where to live
- don't have job
- don't have home or motherland
- don't have and will not have friends or love
- lost all relatives and feel guilty in mother's death forever
- if will not pass away now then for sure it will happen in closest future in very bad conditions
The only reason that can (I write about it frankly) prevent me from suicide:
- I want to exist even as earthworm even for few more days
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
#51
the real reason people wouldn't choose suicide; well i’ve been here before and i was feeling pretty low at the time this past june. my situation has changed. i’ve found therapy once again. i don’t know that that has brought about the change. i kind of think i’ve been working real hard. i have a project i’ve been working on and i ‘ve been solidifying my ideas. i’m still terrified ot present it here but i’m still planning on it. things still keep happening that make me feel very bad, sad, disheartened and so on, but i can’t get it in my mind that suicide would be a solution. so here is a real reason for me. i’m only one person though: i feel that by being alive i have been given some kind of promise. and i have not yet received that which was promised. i think the promise was that if you work hard at achieving it, you will get it. it has not been working out that way as i percieve it so i do have to consider that i have been perceiving it wrongly - in that case i need to take a new look. it may be that my work is not yet done - in that case i have to keep working.. either way, killing myself is saying i no longer want to try to get that which was promised. but i do want it. so i just keep going for it. maybe it is more difficult for some than others. maybe i am looking for more than others, maybe i have been given fewer tools. again either way, i gotta keep trying. dying won’t help. so this is the real reason this person would not choose suicide.
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
#52
I want to add few more words to this topic from my own experience.
My reasons to die:
- lost all property and all money that I had
- don't have where to live
- don't have job
- don't have home or motherland
- don't have and will not have friends or love
- lost all relatives and feel guilty in mother's death forever
- if will not pass away now then for sure it will happen in closest future in very bad conditions
The only reason that can (I write about it frankly) prevent me from suicide:
- I want to exist even as earthworm even for few more days
Mike, i feel like your “only reason that can prevent you from suicide is the same as what i just posted (simultaneously without realizing). i think that somehow, it is that which prevails.
 
#54
The reasons I wouldn’t want to die, well kind of the opposite of the original post. I don’t care about the feelings of “loved ones” because they share the most responsibility for the worst of me. And they’ve taken what they can get from the best of me.

Reasons not to do it:

1- The thought of people coming out of the woodwork for my shit. They’ll descend on my house like vultures. I’ve seen it. It’s disgusting.

2- I want to prepare for it and I never feel like planning when I’m in that state of mind. I want a will. And I gotta figure out how to make sure the will’s acknowledged. I also want to make arrangements for myself and prepay for my funeral. Actually my cremation. I don’t want a wake, AKA a family reunion hosted by my body.

3- I want to make sure everyone who’s contributed to my demise are credited for the part they’ve played. No, it wasn’t stress at work, it wasn’t a week of rain, or financial problems. It was a life tied to you assholes. Putting my life aside to go above and beyond for people who’d never lift a finger for me. For giving to takers and caring for the careless. I can’t just go without them understanding why. How they’ve mentally and socially ruined me.

4- Suicides an alternative to what I really want but think I’ll never acquire. There are things that bother me tremendously that can never be changed. Feelings that run through my mind that mess with my emotions. But acquiring the life I want could minimize those things enough for me to find happiness. As much as it kills me to wait around for plan A there’s still a minuscule amount of hope. But when time runs out for plan A, plan B will take effect.

5- I want to be mentally prepared and accepting of it. I don’t want to die crying in my bedroom. Or hysterical over the moment. I want to be relaxed and confident of my decision. Have everything in order and ready to check out calm and collectively. That kind of planning is hard to do with a suicidal mindset. When I don’t have the energy to get out of bed. And it’s not a thought when I’m feeling ok. Which makes it difficult.

6- The how, by who, and how long of being found. I live alone. Could be there awhile. Who’s gonna find me? How will it affect them? And what kind of a mess will I be by then? Things to think about.

What’s not keeping me alive are people’s feelings. Certainly not a lack of bravery. Living with a suicidal mindset takes bravery. Making it through a series of emotionally painful days when you can end it all in a heartbeat isn’t for the weak. I don’t think. When I’m not brave enough you’ll stop hearing from me.
 

crazyk

SF Supporter
#55
I have seen quite a few videos on Youtube lately of family members talking about dealing with the suicide of a loved one.
Before they died, the sufferers said they would never commit suicide because:
a) it would hurt loved ones
b) I'm not brave enough

Personally I think these are massive red flags.
When people say why they wouldn't commit suicide, the reasons should be:
- I'd be missing out on too much
- What benefit would it bring to me?
- I have too many things to look forward to
- I have too many talents that would go to waste

The reasons should be based on self-gain. They should be selfish reasons.

I think in a sense, sufferers should become a little bit more narcissistic, if that makes any sense.

Regarding the ''I'm not brave enough'' reason - as I've said before, suicide has nothing to do with bravery. It's to do with how much you've been driven crazy by distress. And I think that by worrying about how you are affecting other people, like loved ones, that will just amplify your distress even more.

So yes, I think when a person decides against suicide for their own selfish reasons, then I think they're on the right path.
I totally agree with this. I have recently learned that when I tell anyone about feeling suicidal (not on here), the first thing they say to me is but you can’t do that, think of what that would do to the people who care about you. I know they mean well but that totally puts more conflict on me and my mind goes to an even darker place. I wish I could say I couldn’t do it because the reasons you give but I always think I’m not brave enough
 

crazyk

SF Supporter
#56
I would switch that from ''I did not want to transfer my pain to my daughters'' to ''I love my daughters and I want to spend as much time with them as possible''.

In other words, for every negative reason you have not to kill yourself, transform it into a positive one.
So switch from ''I better not because...'' to ''Life is good because...''

That's what I was trying to get at in my original post, but I'm not very good at explaining myself.
I really like the examples of how to switch what we tell ourselves to positives. Thank you
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#57
I would switch that from ''I did not want to transfer my pain to my daughters'' to ''I love my daughters and I want to spend as much time with them as possible''.

In other words, for every negative reason you have not to kill yourself, transform it into a positive one.
So switch from ''I better not because...'' to ''Life is good because...''

That's what I was trying to get at in my original post, but I'm not very good at explaining myself.
Good idea. That was not my thinking at the time. the reason at the time was as I stated. It occured after reading a blog post from a woman who lost her father to suicide when she was a girl. I saw the pain a difficulty she still experiences today.

I do not ideate anymore. But if I did a would think about your words.
 
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