Something just happened to me at work that makes me want to die right now. The only thing saving me is I don't want to die. Yes I have both feelings and I think they are both rational. How to explain with out specifics, I don't know. But there is so much in my life related to this that I just believe that I soon will be too weary to handle any more. At that time I may not want to fight killing myself or I may increase in desire to die or the real demon will just take control and do me in or maybe I will just fall apart and not function anymore. It is getting so intense and finding new help so unproductive. And everyone says my problem is me and not a demon. Well I have to ask; might I be so much an enemy to myself that the enemy / demon will win and no matter how rational or irrational either of us are, this body will die by action, not old age or accident or other illness???
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