I was am and continue to be intoxicated-ish as I write and post this, so I'm sorry if it's too whacked. A may regret posting this in the morning. Again I find myself in the same position bent over backwards ass in the air reaching for numbness. Oh Blessed, boy! Come to me lovey. The drugs almost do it, they get close putting aside the metaphysical and literal itch and the crying jags and god baby I’m sensitive but maybe if you rub it harder it’ll rub the fuck off. Someone maybe not maybe baby SOMEONE something or something FUCKED me in the head. And now I’m just a pile of shit a pile of beautiful shit who means well and might be a person or something really beautiful but just keeps breaking shit and maybe is just is secret sort of not good person inside. And I feel dirty and roaringly sweetingly beautiful And I want someone to fuck this fucking tear this shit apart until it is raped until it is raped of feeling curtains/drapes torn down and the couch ripped to cat shreds And I want you the whoever to have it because I just can’t anymore and all these drugs did was try to give a voice to what I was trying to lacerate. I’m just it’s all just overloading raw until pain has no meaning or individual parts numb is not a cessation as defined but heretofore as found numb is not desecration but salvation that can’t be found it’s been mislabeled mislayed. I want numb. Do NOT overtake, overlay, overwhelm misengage, disengage, disintegrative dissarray, Having 50 million voices screaming in a limited nutshell and not hearing the phone ring is not profound deafness though it might lead to a dead on path for it given some time. The Reasons Being Varied.