The reasons I feel like a horrible, lonely, corraled person

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ZTSCHN, Aug 11, 2006.

  1. ZTSCHN

    ZTSCHN New Member

    This is my first post, a little about myself

    I'm 19, I failed out of college and I work in a Retail store labeled as gay.

    Here's my rant

    For the last year of my life its like this:
    Get up, work, work out, sleep
    I feel like a robot...I feel like I just can't live anymore.
    I work at a place in where I am the only heterosexual male working there...I get constant bullshit thrown at me because people think I'm gay...I don't have anything against it but I'm just tired of being called a ****** with no reason for it. To the point where I flipped out and beat a guy up tonight over it. I'm so tired of it in my pathetic self proving state of mind I went and payed for it like a pathetic unloved fuck, she even smoked crack before she did the deed.

    Right now I'm scared, lonely, and I cannot sleep. I can barely organize my thoughts and I feel like a horrible sinner, who's going to burn in hell for the rest of eternity. I only hope god can forgive me.

    The rest of my problems:
    My father is pushing his career on me.
    My brother is useless, and I have to pay for every bad deed he does
    I can't find the right religion for me, I'm trying to be a good catholic but its just so hard
    I try to be a good vegitarian, but I just can't stop eating meat
    I can't do well in school I want to so bad but I always end up fucking things up.
    The only thing I'm good for is hurting people, and making myself feel bad.
     
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    From what I've read, you don't seem like a sinner at all to me, not one single bit. It just seems to be that you are getting crap thrown at you which you do not deserve, thats all and I'm very sorry to hear you going through such tough times.
    Can you not get a better job? Are you pressured into being a Catholic?
     
  3. ZTSCHN

    ZTSCHN New Member

    I'm not pressured into being a catholic at all, its the religion I chose, I feel is correct. I'm getting a different job for the same pay in the same area...hopefully things will change I'm really hoping for the best. My morals really seem like they are going out the window, and it really hurts me that i'm losing my innocence. I just want to be a good person, but I can't seem to be.