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The red pill or the blue pill.

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Before I post this I would like to just say the reason I am at the point where I am actively considering suicide is because in the last year I have been diagnosed with MS I have massive debt problems which where never something I cared about before and finally exactly one month ago my partner passed away which has tipped me over the edge but anyway here is my question.

Its a simple question really used in the Matrix By Morphius to Neo we all know the scene so I won't go into what happens but I've always understood the hidden meaning to this question its one which I have been asking for the last few weeks you can replace the 2 pills with what ever you like it still has the same meaning do you chose to fight to be strong and to carry on with this life you have been given or do you chose to lay down and give up to explore the next life for me I like to think I once knew the answer and always know the answer but now I'm lost and wish I could answer the question.

thank you to who ever listens.
Im glad i just caught you in chat.
Ritsu, please post and read around the forum.
You are not alone, so many people here care and have empathy and love.
Sometimes the answers are right in front of us, if we choose to look.
Loss is one of the hardest things to deal with, dont lose yourself in it, you are allowed to grieve and there is no time limit on that grief.
Stay safe please.
Please come and find me if you wish, my ears are always open. Pete
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Sometimes there is another answer or another pill. Maybe a yellow one (read the book vurt by jeff noon) sometimes you need to look out of the box and you see another road. I know a bit about ms but not a lot. I am really sorry that you have had such a hard time with debt and the death of your partner is enough to make anyone think about suicide. But there are other options. I also need to find one so maybe we both can keep looking.
Before i answer, i just want to say, i never have nor dont right now, believe there is a new place waiting for us after death. At a minimum it might be a cycle of rebirth, but i am sceptical.

Now your question;
Asked me year and a half ago, I wouldve said lay down and cease.

Now, after much fighting and getting back up many many many times, I want to continue on and see what happens. regardless of its the only life or not, it will be the only time on this life. so why not make the most of it?
I still have my very bad days, so much that i have attempted in the last few months, but for some strange stupid reason, i keep going. I dont knwo exactly why, and I am living with awful deamons, but i keep going.

What greets me when i do pass, greets me. Killing myself will only end this chapter, if there are more to come. (which i doubt)
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