The Rest of Your Lifes Never Gonna Be The

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by carl76, Feb 26, 2011.

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  1. carl76

    carl76 New Member

    Hi, I just wanted to get this off my chest, im in horrible, horrible pain.

    I split up from my wife of 9 years, we have two children who are 9 and 7.

    I live on my own in a flat, I have been on my own for 7 months.

    I have nothing left, i will never live my children again, i dont know whats gonna happen in the future. Im lonely, scared, i cant see a future for myself.

    My pain is constant, it will not go away. I have tried drinking but it makes things worse. My wife wont have me back, thats over.

    I thinkin about finishing it tonite, but ive decided not yet.

    My soul is dead, i only feel pain.

    I cant see me living much longer, i want the pain to leave me...

    I cant cope.
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Carl I'm so sorry you're feeling like this...breakups are never easy...
    your children need you and I hope you'll reconsider taking your life....
    no matter what they need their father alive even if you aren't living with their mother...
    are you having access visits with the children?
    have you talked to your doctor about how you're feeling?
    maybe some counceling would help...
    take care and please keep reaching out here...there are many of us who understand your pain ..
     
  3. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    First off alcohol is a depressant. You probably already know that though. But thought I would just say again anyway. Don't drink to get away from your feelings as in time they will get worse and worse.

    I have said to others that in joining here you obviously have some glimmer of hope as tiny as it is. You have reached out by posting so there is something that is making you hang on.

    Is there a court case with your ex in regards to custody of the children. Could you possibly get some kind of contact order which states how often you get to see them and if they can stay at yours etc.

    hang around, watch your kids grow up. Don't leave them without one of their parents who they will love loads.

    Have you been to a doc about how you are feeling?

    x
     
  4. LipsOfDeceit

    LipsOfDeceit Well-Known Member

    Drinking is not the solution to your pain. Stay strong and move on with life. Your kids need you so hang in there. I hope you will feel better in time. :hug:
     
  5. carl76

    carl76 New Member

    I spoke to samaritans tonite. Feels good to get things off my chest.
     
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    That's good. I am glad you feel that you are able to pick up the phone and call someone. If you are the type of person that can do that then it's good as you have got 24/7 support when you need it. Remember to use them when you feel like you need to.

    xx
     
  7. Ushee

    Ushee Member

    That's nice to hear that you were able to pick up the phone and get some immediate help, but it's even better to hear that you're doing better too.
     
  8. Nick_K

    Nick_K Well-Known Member

    Carl,
    My parents divorced when I was 8, which is the average of the ages of your two children. If I remember being that age correctly, your children need you. If you're completely out of the picture in the sense that their mother won't allow you contact & has full custody, then they have no way to know you haven't abandoned them, and they will grow up wondering why. At least try to write letters, send cards, or something. Hell it's the 2010's you can probably just text or email them without your ex being any the wiser. Excessive gift giving will not earn you respect though; at least it didn't work when my parents divorced.

    My father was an alcoholic and beat us when he wanted to be drunk and couldn't be (i.e., Sunday). He yelled at us and threatened to do violent things that were truly terrifying. Nonetheless I still loved him, and without his acceptance I felt worthless even though I was still pretty angry about the violence. My reason for stating this is to suggest that even if you weren't perfect, they still need to know you care. If my father had killed himself while I was a kid then I probably would have gone immediately after. Actually a kid that age has no good knowledge of methods so I probably would have just screwed up my liver, but I would have attempted. Not trying to minimize your pain, but others have addressed that more competently than I could. I only wanted to try and illustrate the childrens' perspective. Of course your kids have their own personalities so maybe this doesn't all apply, but I am still fairly confident they do need you alive and if you can send attention to them in any way it would be better than nothing.
     
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