The right time to seek help?

It's been nearly 4 months. 4 months since the break up, of a boy 4 years older than me, taking advantage of me and using me for sex, lying and cheating on me with prostitutes and then I miscarried his baby. He has two dead children.

I am constantly unhappy and thinking about this - all the time and it never stops. I'm good at hiding it in front of friends because I've always been like that - hiding emotions well. Then I come back home and it all comes up. I cry far too much, I put myself through misery and constantly think I am fat or I'm not worth anything. I miss that baby. I was around 8 weeks, calculated properly. It's killed me inside, it really has. That day, when I miscarried, a part of me left with that. I still feel the way I do back then, perhaps worse.

I told my form teacher about this because I needed someone to talk to. He passed on the situation to the Pastoral Care Officer, who was "meant" to be talking to me. She never did. In fact, she gives me dirty looks in the corridors and says my name with sarcasm. My social worker even rang in to discuss my welfare but she still hasn't talked to me, not even asking if I was ok. I was meant to be getting a counselor, but they won't talk to me because the police are involved and they don't want to be witnesses if I tell them about this. So I don't even have professional help anymore, which I believed I was getting. This Pastoral Care Officer was meant to be talking to me about a school counselor - and never did. I feel like going back and telling my form teacher because I am really close to him and trust him, but I doubt he even wants to be involved anymore now its off his hands.

It's been a daunting experience for me; from the police interviews, to the medical examination, to having to go through this ordeal every single second of every single day, the feeling of emptiness and wanting to die and you want to scream - but nobody's listening to you. My friends and family think I am ok, but I'm not. Behind closed doors, I am such a useless wreck, breaking down. My schoolwork has gone down hill dramatically. I can't concentrate. I'm constantly tired. I'm worn down. I'm fed up. Sometimes I can't even believe it's happened to me. Other times, I sometimes even get panicky.. I tremble and shake really badly, and I mean really badly.. and my speech will go and my heart will beat so fast that I can't even think or know what I'm doing or where I am. Usually this is relieved by crying, but then I'll be worked up the rest of the day.

I've took an overdose recently, which no-one knows about and also got so drunk I was knocked out. Everything is getting on top of me.. and I don't know who to turn to.

Don't even know if I have depression or anxiety.

What do you all think about all this? And what should I do about the school situation as well?

 

Sorry to hear that you've been going through this.

For a start, well done for coming here and posting this. It's hard to express these feelings and experiences.

I think this is definitely the right time to seek help! I can't say for sure where you will find the most support, but maybe you should bypass your school system.

I'll tell you how I found some much needed support recently. If you go to a hospital's A&E department (either on your own or with a trusted friend or family member) and tell them you are suicidal then they should find you some psychiatric help right there, which will hopefully be a way into some ongoing help. You might not find a counsellor or therapist that you can build a lasting trust with straight away, but it will be a start. It is hard to tread the thin line between making enough of a fuss for them to take you seriously, and being so morbid that they might 'over-react'. Be as honest as possible and tell them that you have made an attempt on your life, but if you want to go home after you have seen them you also need to be able to reassure them that you won't make another attempt at least until you have returned to see them again.

If this doesn't seem right for you, then look for another way to get support. I'm sure people on this forum will have some ideas. But please don't try to go through this on your own, it isn't worth it!

Wishing you all the best.
R

 

Hi and so sorry you went through all of this...if you feel you need help, that is the time to get help...about how you were treated...these ppl were just incompetent...again so sorry for that...ask ppl who they are being treated by and try to find a referral of a person you can talk to...and interview the therapists to make sure you find someone who you can relate to...big hugs, J