The Rules

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Bigman2232, Jan 23, 2009.

  1. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    We all have to follow the main rules of society but each of us has our own rules and "morals". I have a pretty strict set of personal rules that I live by. If you've read many of my posts, you probably already have a good idea of the main ones.

    But as much as I know my rules are good ones and I've had people tell me that they agree and like that I have them too, I feel like I should stop following them.

    One of my "rules" is that I don't do things with drunk girls. And I mean pretty drunk, not just been drinking and are a little drunk. I do this because I know how often people do things they regret in the morning and I don't want them to regret anything (and I don't think I could handle being someone's regret, no matter how lonely I am). But then I see how a lot of these other guys who don't follow it get to experience everything I don't. Added to this is that the only time I've ever had a girl flirt with me is when she is drunk. But I just can't.

    Another rule is to never mess with another guys girl, unless they are officially broken up. This too has blown up in my face because while I'm just being the friend while she fights with her bf and considers herself single (but not officially), I get to hear about another guy who doesn't think the same, get to make out with her, until she ends up back with her bf.

    I'm just so tired of being the responsible one; trying to be who I am, not sacrificing what I consider to be integrity and honour, but end up getting shit on and fucked over, while those who don't care have fun.

    Fuck. I'm going to go get drunk.
  2. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    sounds like you need to meet new people. you are too mature for the crowd you are around.

    and who cares about drunk girls anyways. the ones you are talking about sound like they have NO respect for themselves or anyone else. you don't want to be near a girl like that.

    and believe it or not, statistics are a lot lower than you would ever think for how many partners a male has had at my age (college). and that's hoping that they aren't lying. i've noticed especially that a lot of guys like to elaborate stories to make themselves look more like pimps than they really are...
  3. Mayal

    Mayal Well-Known Member

    This sounds like a case of girls only like the bastard blues Bigman, and i have to say, sometimes it is true, but it depends on the kind of girl that you want and the kind of man you want to be, if indeed you are fed up having some repect for people and yourself, then i am sure you will be able to put the facade on and be the kind of knuckle dragging pisshead date rapist that some are, and i am equally sure you will have the experience of some drunken college girl with too little clothes and not enough brains lying unconcious while you plow away. But seriously, frustration or not, you sound like you are looking for some kind of connection outside of plugging a hole.

    It takes time to find one, some never do, the point is, do you really want to sacrifice yourself in order to try and fill the space in?
  4. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I tihnk endlessskies58 really summed it up well, how about not going with them drinking then, why not do something else or productive instead, learn to paint, draw, put on your pjs have a nice quite night in and get down and boogie to some music! :smile:
  5. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    got it in one. I have a teenage son and believe me he exaggerates A LOT! Bigman, it might be a pain in the backside now but, its the decent ones like you who end up with the best girls :)

    Lea :hug:
  6. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    When I first read the quote above it reminded me of an article on a gaming website about the psychology of playing to win vs. playing honorably. It spoke a lot about how honorable players would always handicap themselves and not even be aware that they were doing it.

    It opened my eyes a little bit, as it make me wake up and realize my own thought processes and how they were working against me. I have quite a few problems with the way I view the world and other people but I'm trying to jettison all of the negative behaviors and biases out the window. I'm also going through CBT once a fortnight, so that helps too. :biggrin:

    Maybe it sounds silly to compare rules for living to to playing a game but there are a few similarities:
    If your own rules for living are causing you regret and holding you back from things you want to do, then what good are they? How are you going to be happy if you constantly sacrifice what you want to do, in favour of a set of moral codes that no one, besides yourself, are demanding you live up to?
  7. Alexpt2

    Alexpt2 Well-Known Member

    very well said, couldn't have said it better myself.

    Maybe he doesn't, but I do! You don't by any chance have a phone number of one of those types of girls you could hook me up with do you? :biggrin:
  8. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the responses. To be honest I wasn't completely in a straight sense of mind and I was being frustrated by something I shouldn't be.

    My "rules" are not what really hold me back, it's just realistically without them I probably could find girls much easier but then I would be the slime ball that others have said get girls that way.

    And I'm not so concerned about the monumental conquests some guys brag about because I don't care about how I stack up to others. I do care how lonely I feel because I'm the one with zero experience (I got my first kiss on the cheek this year) and I'm tired of being that way. It's only gotten worse this year because the group of friends are much more "free" than the friends I had for the years before then (they were more religious and were saving themselves for marriage and were therefore not much more experienced than me). This isn't there fault and I enjoy hanging out with them.

    But I once again spent friday night taking someone I have feelings for (but which are not returned) home and putting them to bed before locking up and leaving. This is what I do.
  9. Mayal

    Mayal Well-Known Member

    The bitter irony is Bigman, that chances are, you are not attracted to the kind of girls that are looking for someone like you to ease the lonlieness and make a connection with for the same reasons some of the girls don't seem to be attracted to you.

    It's just a shame that they don't have the respect for themselves that you have for them, i do hope you find someone to get through the lonlieness with, you sound like a good person and you deserve it.
  10. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    At this precise moment in time, I have one rule:
    F**K 'EM ALL
  11. Mayal

    Mayal Well-Known Member

    Literally, figuratively or both? ;)
  12. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Out of curiosity, what do you mean by this?
  13. Mayal

    Mayal Well-Known Member

    What i mean is that if you (and this is only based on my interpretation of your posts) find yourself attracted to girls who appear very outgoing, exciting, experimental, and risk takers, then they might not be the ones that are ready for anything more than a bit of fun.
  14. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Ah, well I'd agree with the outgoing part but other than that I'm just attracted to who I end up being attracted to. No set type. Thanks for your opinion though, it helps.
  15. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    yeah as we said before bigman, find other people to hang around with.
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Listen, right.

    I think you're great. You can empathise with what these girls might be feeling the next day. That says a lot about you.

    And the sex they might be having is completely meaningless fun and the 'experience' they are having might be something they don't especially like or enjoy. When I read your post, you actually seem to be wanting a lot more than that, and it says a lot that you dislike the behaviour of the men you see around and call them slimeballs . There are many men who stick around with their group of friends and will do the same old thing they are doing because they don't know how to create, like you say 'rules,' (that to me stem from something deep that means a lot to you and says a lot about who you are) that are separate from them, and not blindly do what they are doing.

    Erm. He does. He cares. He's putting them to bed and looking after them. To me, that says a hell of a lot about who he is and doesn't treat them like dirt or say they have no self respect, or that they are a 'girl like that'. What exactly do you mean?

    And if you have feelings for the girl you're taking home, feeling take time. Casual sex doesn't. Just because she's not jumping into bed with you now doesn't mean that she might not grow attached to you later.

    You might say you have "zero experience" in relationships but you're growing experienced in developing who you are, and forming observations/conclusions about the crowd you're in, which is separate from the men who might take advantage of girls who are falling 'round the place.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2009
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    And maybe you're looking in the wrong place for a relationship. What you're describing seems superficial relationships with loads of arguments stemming from casual sex? I don't know. Maybe you could look elsewhere for a girlfriend if a girlfriend is what you're looking for.