I've been really struggling these past few weeks with thoughts of suicide. Even made a plan and everything. I'm just so tired of being depressed all the time. I've been in varying degrees of depression for 2 years now without a break and the pdocs haven't figured out meds that help. I actually had one pdoc look me in the eye and tell me "You WILL kill yourself and there's nothing I can do to help you because your biggest problem is self-hatred". That was one week after I got out of hospital from an attempt that damned near worked. You can bet I fired his ass. Got a new pdoc, 8 months later my insurance changes, the new one is no longer covered, so now I don't have anybody. I'm just too weary to start interviewing pdocs again and I'm so close to taking a dirt nap that I'm not sure I even want to find another one at this point. Last night my 18 year old daughter told me she was engaged and they're getting married in a little over a year. I felt no joy, no excitment, no nothing. Just the same old depression and desire to sleep forevermore. I don't know what to do.