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The Sad Don't Go Away

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Alais, Feb 9, 2009.

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  1. Alais

    Alais Well-Known Member

    I've been really struggling these past few weeks with thoughts of suicide. Even made a plan and everything. I'm just so tired of being depressed all the time. I've been in varying degrees of depression for 2 years now without a break and the pdocs haven't figured out meds that help. I actually had one pdoc look me in the eye and tell me "You WILL kill yourself and there's nothing I can do to help you because your biggest problem is self-hatred". That was one week after I got out of hospital from an attempt that damned near worked. You can bet I fired his ass. Got a new pdoc, 8 months later my insurance changes, the new one is no longer covered, so now I don't have anybody. I'm just too weary to start interviewing pdocs again and I'm so close to taking a dirt nap that I'm not sure I even want to find another one at this point. Last night my 18 year old daughter told me she was engaged and they're getting married in a little over a year. I felt no joy, no excitment, no nothing. Just the same old depression and desire to sleep forevermore. I don't know what to do.
  2. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Did you notice the anger you had at your pdoc who told you you will kill yourself? You still have feelings! You still care enough to tell that person to go to hell, so there is still hope. I know it is hard, and you really want to just give up, but don't. You know you deserve better, you might not believe it right now, but deep down you know it, otherwise you wouldn't have fired that doctor. Use that anger and prove him wrong, because he is wrong, very wrong. Keep fighting and keep reaching out to people who care. It has made all the difference for me. I wish you strength and hope and love. And remember that you are not alone in this struggle, even if it feels like it most of the time. We can relate to the pain you are feeling and encourage you to express it instead of suffering in silence. Take care of yourself.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have to agree with swimmergirl, she has given you some good advice. Keep in mind that we are here for you!! The more you post the more you will see just how much alot of us have in common. Please reach out to us, we care what happens to you and will give you a shoulder to lean on...~Joseph~
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Alais,

    welcome to the forums.

    I have to agree with swimmergirl too.

    You knew you were worth more than what that pdoc told you, so please keep that sense of self worth and hold on to it.

    You aren't alone, you have us. We are here for you. :handinhand:

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