I started to feel a little hopeful earlier in the day but something happened this evening that caused my wife pain and depression. She said that she wanted to die, that there is no happiness in her life. I know the no happiness is true,but she is not really suicidal, but that made me sad, because on many levels she meant it. Then she says that what she really wants is a new life. I promised her that I would do my best to give her one. And I am thinking: I will give you a new life. I will kill myself and you will have the money and freedom to start over. So, I had been collecting the materials that I need and I assembled them to try a dry run. It is a great idea that I did. I figured out numerous things that I have to do to make my attempt a success. I will do a couple more dry runs, to further adjust the technique and hopefully will be prepared and successful when the time comes. I am clearly hoping that someone will convince me I am making a mistake. However I feel that things are constricting and coming further apart, and I really have to do something.