I'll start about a year ago. I was living happily with my girlfriend who I'll say is named "Margot". We're pretty happy although I've never completed school and don't have a very good job. She lives with her parents but I live on my own and I needed her help to pay for my bills sometimes. Not too often. Not too much. But sometimes I asked for help. Her mother hated me for it. Said I leeched her of money she needed for college. A few months go by and my job falls through. So now I have 0 income and bills piling up. I ask for her help again, but her mom intervenes. She wanted to help me, understood my situation. But her life wasn't even in her own control. Faced with no other decisions I move to a city I hated to do work I hated surrounded by unfamiliar people in unfamiliar territory and was judged every single day based on the color of my skin. My car was attacked by people I worked with because they hated me for being white. My food at the market across the street from my job charged me extra because it was run by racists. I went through abuse both physical, verbal, and psychological to the point that I only slept once ever 4-5 days and hallucinated in bright lights. I went through hell for this girl for 7 months. Finally I had saved enough to come home. But it was stolen from me by a theif who broke into my home. My insurance charged me. The moving date was already set, and the actual move cost so much I couldn't afford the house I had wanted to live in when I made it back. I sleep every night on 4 blankets lining the floor of a utility room in my mothers house. Jobless. Unable to make car payments, or keep my phone on. But at least I had her... for a week. She had been cheating on me while I was away and left me for someone else. Her only interaction with me was point out all the things I did wrong and telling me that I never tried hard enough for her. Because she used to pay my bills, and I technically owed her money, she was the one who put her effort into the relationship. I didn't try hard enough. To top that off, her new boyfriend messaged me today about coming to get my 'shit' from them and that if I try anything funny that he'll kill me. After what I went through it doesn't scare me. I know it's empty threats anyway. But the sentiment is clear. This has been my life... I haven't got a single open door. I don't have anyway to keep my head up. It's like the world is drowning me slowly of any vitality I used to have. When things didn't go my way before, I would just think about the silver lining. I'm actually pretty optimistic. But I have looked and I can't find one. I don't know what to do.