I can't believe this. I caved. I didn't even mean to and I caved. It was so sudden. I have no clue how it came about. How am I going to explain this to my boyfriend? What will he say? I just got up from watching a movie, and I sat at my computer coming to this forum. Well, I have push-pins that I keep in my electronics junk drawer that I use to clean under my nails with. I got a black one out and started cleaning under my nails. When I was done, I went to put it away and it scraped my left wrist. I sat there for about five minutes pondering it, then I scraped my wrist again. Not deep, but enough to make the skin red and raise. Then I just started scraping up the full length of my arm repeatedly, shallow little scrapes that don't bleed, but they sting and they're red and swollen. Now I'm fighting the urge so hard not to continue it. I want more. I want so much more. I can't fight it much longer. The stinging feels so good. I want more. I need more. Dear God, what have I done?