Well as to why im sharing this i dont know, all i c an explain it with is need to share i guess. My story starts with my lack of actually blending inn with the world im diffrent im weird. And after a wile i got this burden i placed on myself. After as the years flew by i was starting to feel more and more depressed wile i am able to hide my feelings to make everything normal it was starting to take its toll. I started drinking and using drugs to make me feel.... Alive.... Great. After a wile on doing this i found out that i had to stop, not because i wanted to but because my (dark side, got nothing else to call it) started to show and people were suspecting were i was going. Now i dont know why but after this i started to become emotionless i dont care attitude, now this attitude have ruined all so many relations were the girl left me and i just did not care. Some say its because i did not love em but im starting to realise that i actually did not like them i tried but failed. Now my (butterfly) feeling have all gone. And here i start to realise when i look at people i once loved i cant feel nothing. I would prefer calling me a blank page, you can fill in whatever you want to but the text is gone after a wile. This state i am inn have saved me from o so many "proffesionals" cause i cant be determined. But it is a hard way of life with friend i got one way to be as i got one with family. And when i am at home i return to the blank page(or with someone i dont know). and my cry here could be that im desperate to be able to actully feel something again, anger love something i dont care just anything.