The story about me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by jegerer, Dec 20, 2011.

  1. jegerer

    jegerer New Member

    Well as to why im sharing this i dont know, all i c

    an explain it with is need to share i guess.

    My story starts with my lack of actually blending inn with the world im diffrent im weird. And after a wile i got this burden i placed on myself. After as the years flew by i was starting to feel more and more depressed wile i am able to hide my feelings to make everything normal it was starting to take its toll. I started drinking and using drugs to make me feel.... Alive.... Great. After a wile on doing this i found out that i had to stop, not because i wanted to but because my (dark side, got nothing else to call it) started to show and people were suspecting were i was going. Now i dont know why but after this i started to become emotionless i dont care attitude, now this attitude have ruined all so many relations were the girl left me and i just did not care. Some say its because i did not love em but im starting to realise that i actually did not like them i tried but failed. Now my (butterfly) feeling have all gone.

    And here i start to realise when i look at people i once loved i cant feel nothing. I would prefer calling me a blank page, you can fill in whatever you want to but the text is gone after a wile. This state i am inn have saved me from o so many "proffesionals" cause i cant be determined. But it is a hard way of life with friend i got one way to be as i got one with family. And when i am at home i return to the blank page(or with someone i dont know). and my cry here could be that im desperate to be able to actully feel something again, anger love something i dont care just anything.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 20, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am sorry, I do not understand. Can you clarify what is? I am in the US and sometimes am clueless about things across the pond..and also, I do not understand why you would want to 'hide' from professionals...they can only help the person that shows up to the session...I hope you are doing better
  3. jegerer

    jegerer New Member

    Mi5 is the Brithis secrect service and i have no idea how that got there :s

    And why i hide? I dont wanna talk eith someone that have no idea how it is. You cant learn evrything from a book
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    The web address is for MI5, British Secret Service. I assume it was inserted there be accident, in the middle of the word 'can'.

    Xiuxan, why do you become this blank page for professionals? Do you fear them seeing the real you, your emotional state?
  5. jegerer

    jegerer New Member

    Because i dont see the point, they cant help me. I can only help myself also why im here and not comitted. And if i cant i need to take it from there
  6. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Maybe they cannot help you, but maybe they can, and they can almost certainly give helpful advice.

    Well done for quitting the drink and drugs, but now you must face the emotional state you are in. You seem to have the strength to do this, I hope you can.