Confession I need to start talking now if I don’t I will take it with me. I have had a lot to be thankful for and in a way I feel as if I am trying to make excuses I am not, I take full resaponsability. My guilt and my shame has drained me into a empty shell. So here it is. I grew up between parents and grand parents my father was an alcoholic and he eventually drank himself into the grave. Use to kick my mother around that made her distant she was doing the best she could I suppose. grand mother was sick we stayed lockup in the house all day, grandfather fed me his homebrew and at night when she was asleep he had his fun he said it was our secret and that he loved me.I was a real slut I knew it was wrong I could have stop him it started when I was 5 as far as I can remember I was lucky he died when I was about 10. I never made friends at school was a bit of a rebel/outcast, at that time age 10 met n boy he was 16 he said he loved me but only there was a price sex, I made a lot of excuses did not work, I suppose I could have tried harder. One night he decided to share me with his 19 year old cousin.By now I was a full-blown slut I just prayed that no one would find out and that I would not get pregnant. I got lucky they moved. I was about 13 by then. My first relationship and intimate contact after that was at age 30 I ended up in a gay relationship with a women 15 years older than me because I did not have the guts to say no. So there it the basics now you know I probable deserve to die I made my own bed my own bad choices now I can t live with them any more.