Well its been a while since I was active on this forum, I just had to take a break from it all, I actually took a break from most things in my life.. Ealier this year I moved in with 2 friends, which was an allright move, cause neither do dope and that has been a long time vise of mine which only exasperates my asperger syndrome.. I took the next months off of therapy and meeting with doctors and just played mad hours of a game called diablo2 LoD online.. I did alot of thinking through the time, but I cut off pretty much every relationship I had, pretty much the only people I associated with were my roommates and the mother of my children and my children... I found the more I spent on diablo the less I spent on those important to me.. than about 2 weeks ago a friend that I had made on d2 had passed away and a flood of emotions hit me, and I really started considering all the things I had thought about through out this time.. what person do I want to be? what quality of relationship do I want with my lover and my children? is therapy good for me even though I am angry at the system? should I suck up my pride and give people more opportunity to help? these types of things... So none the less I spent most my time with my lover and children this past week, I felt more capable than I have had in a long time, but unfortantly I came across a near migraine headache, lights bugged me intensely, the rough moments were truelly an excercise in using the few tools of coping I have gained. Than to make matters worse... I had payed one of my roommates rent for this month, expecting that I would be payed back around the 15th, but the 15th came and gone and no money, yesterday he makes arrangments to get an advance, doesnt come home till the middle of night, this morning he tells me that some buddy of his had deposited a blank envelope in his acct and than when later he tried to cash his check they withheld the check and are chargine him with fraud... I want to believe him, but I also know that a couple years ago he had quite a severe addiction to some hard drugs.. and last month his father had passed away.. so now I am wondering if this money dillema is a sign that he is using again.. Its my oldest daughters birthday in 5 days and I have about 7 dollars to my name, I smoke cigarettes, I have 2 cans of tuna and a bunch of spices, maybe a few other odds and ends... I just thank God that I have my lover in my life, and my other roommate.. man I feel so confused, if you made it this far in reading thanks for bearing with me while I vented.