Some of the time I remember to reality check myself, but sometimes I let hope carry me away and start believing in good things. Start believing that maybe just maybe the universe will shift and I can have this or do that - that something can change. That it MIGHT change. And when the reality check is handed to me by someone or something else it hurts more. The sudden cold after having felt momentarily warm is somehow more painful. I am unsure how I continue to be so stupid. How I have not learnt yet. A good day is always followed by a shittier day. A success at work is always followed by a bigger failure. Each and every thing that is good in life is followed by a bigger or more severe problem. Unfailingly. There is a song that is speaking to me today "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked. That about sums it up. Those good things that people get, that make people happy and successful... that isn't for me. I'm not that girl. "Don't dream too far - don't lose sight of who you are." Yep. Or to put it another way - just STOP being so fucking STUPID. Accept your lot. Stop hoping for better. Stop BELIEVING in things that can't be real.