My God, every Sunday afternoon it's the same thing. I get the same feeling. I think it comes from not wanting to go to work the next day and being upset that I didn't use my weekend time more productively. The stupid thing is that I just wind up wasting more time because I don't want to do anything. Around this time of day I get the same feeling. Slight pressure in my eyebrows and the sides of my head. Stiffness in my neck, shoulders and the center of my back. It feels like there's a mountain of tears behind my eyes, waiting to be cried, but it isn't forceful enough to really sit down and have a big bawl. And I just get these terrible thoughts about what every other person in the world is doing and why they're not doing anything with me. The loneliness hits the worst as well as the hopelessness. And the terrible thing is that there are little pleasures that I could be enjoying. After all, the heat is finally tapering off and it's cool in the apartment today. I've actually done some writing and I should be able to get some more done before the day is over. I've got good music on my computer and good comedy too. Why can't I just focus and enjoy what I am doing in the moment without continually thinking, "What's the point?" and "Who cares?" Yesterday was a pretty bad day. I was going to go the movies and was geared up for it. Then as I was walking to the corner I saw 3 buses that I could've taken to my next stop go by before I got to the curb. The next buses weren't for 20-30 min. I suddenly got down on myself. I just didn't want to wait and didn't want to walk. I lost my enthusiasm. Then I thought that I might instead go to a used record shop. I turned around and saw the bus that could take me there go by. Now I'm really upset. I eventually got to the record shop and that was good, but things kept going wrong. I was going to go to a bookshop next, but I got confused and got off at the wrong stop and got lost. Then I was waiting 20 min for a bus to take me back. I thought I might go back home, but then I saw a bus that would take me into Hollywood and I thought I would go to the Virgin Megastore on Sunset. So I went down there only to discover that the store was no longer there. Now it's going to be an hour before the bus comes to take me back. I walked down Sunset because I thought I could remember I coffee shop in the general direction where I could get a cup of tea, but I couldn't find it! What a waste of time! Then there was another long wait for the buses to get back. By the time I got back to the valley, I was sitting on the bus not knowing if I should go home or risk going somewhere else just to get something to eat. Everytime we passed a place, I kept thinking, "Maybe I should have gotten off there." I finally turned up at the Foxfire because I wanted to talk to the bartender there. She's really sweet. It was quiet in there. I'm 45 days on the wagon so I just had a few pineapples juices and shared a sandwich with the bartender. Finally I started to have a nice day. But just drinking juice and water is a bit of a downer in a bar so I soon decided to go home. I think I need a cup of tea.