About 4 weeks ago (march 9th, 2008) I heard that my girlfriend (we lived under the same roof, thought about getting married) died in a car collision. Ever since then my life has been kicking me in the head, every day one after another. I dated this girl for 5 years and I lived for her. I simply have no other reason for being alive. I lived _for_ her. I have no friends or folks I can talk to about this nor am I strong enough to talk to a stranger ((psycho)therapist)). I'm all alone here with unlimited supply of alcohol, drugs and weaponry, so I wouldn't bet my odds are great. What can I do except think about offing myself? I have absolutely no-one to talk to, my father always says things as if he's disappointed of me and my life, so that doesn't really help the situation. And the rest of my family I've been disconnected and have no intentions of keeping in touch with them. I've also been banned from general chat (evidently I said something in _private chat_ that is considered a method for suicide) so I simply have no-one to talk to, no-one to listen and no-one to reply and have some sympathy. Even though I have real weapons and drugs to off myself with, I have that small tap in the back of my head telling me not to do so. So I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have a blank firing weapon that I could easily commit suicide-by-cop with, so that's the main thing on my mind at the moment since I wouldn't be offing myself - it would be the officer(s). Please, would anyone tell me any reason to live for because I think mine's lost. Oh, and to top it all off, she was pregnant 3 months. So I actually lost two beloved ones at a split of a second. Life, isn't it grand. Post scriptum: Sorry for any grammar mistakes or some such, English is not my native language and I've been under the influence of alcohol and sedatives for the past 4 weeks, including this very moment.