I usually try not to spend mucht time with this forum. I am too afraid of it, it means something is wrong with me. But now... I have to write it down. Finally I am able to do it. Two weeks ago I lost the only person who knew me better than anyone else. I knew him for 6 years now. We were one, he was the only person who would always be there when I needed something .One day I was so down in the middle of the night and I called him. He got up at 2.am in the night and undertook a 5 hour journey to be there for me. Unfortunately he was never a happy person. I knew from the day we met that he wanted to die. Sometimes we would joke about it wondering who was going to be first to commit suicide. I do not exactly know what has happend, he send me a letter, but even after two weeks I cannot open it. He told me about his fear to commit suicide and surive. He heared about too many stories where people failed. But even now I cannot believe what he did. He < Mod Edit - Methods > - alive, because he was afraid, he did not want to survive. One day I have to open his letter, maybe I will understand his agony. I am beyond sadness, because I know he did not want any help =(.