The third person I lost within 2 years, in the most horrible way I can imagine

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Shi, Sep 17, 2009.

  1. Shi

    Shi Active Member

    I usually try not to spend mucht time with this forum. I am too afraid of it, it means something is wrong with me. But now... I have to write it down. Finally I am able to do it.

    Two weeks ago I lost the only person who knew me better than anyone else. I knew him for 6 years now. We were one, he was the only person who would always be there when I needed something .One day I was so down in the middle of the night and I called him. He got up at in the night and undertook a 5 hour journey to be there for me. Unfortunately he was never a happy person. I knew from the day we met that he wanted to die. Sometimes we would joke about it wondering who was going to be first to commit suicide.

    I do not exactly know what has happend, he send me a letter, but even after two weeks I cannot open it. He told me about his fear to commit suicide and surive. He heared about too many stories where people failed.

    But even now I cannot believe what he did. He < Mod Edit - Methods > - alive, because he was afraid, he did not want to survive.

    One day I have to open his letter, maybe I will understand his agony. I am beyond sadness, because I know he did not want any help =(.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2009
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    How tragic that he could not find some help some peace I would not open his letter alone I would have support with you when you feel you are ready to read it. Preferable have a therapist or psych doctor with you it may just be too overwhelming for you. I am so sorry for your loss please take care and get the support you will need now
  3. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member

    i know its not like having a real person there with you

    and this is more tramic (cant spell)

    hold on (it seems insane to ask you this) and look ahead

    time will tell if you can open that letter

    know there are people here you can also talk to

    you are not alone
  4. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry about what happened, and what an awful way to go. :sad:

    And, gaaah...I hate to say this, but you should at least consider turning the letter over to the authorities, or perhaps to his family if he was on decent terms with them. I've read that each suicide impacts a minimum of ten people, and there might be something in that letter that will help the grief that others are feeling.