the thoughts and the shame

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by swimmergirl, Mar 17, 2011.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Constantly thinking about killing myself. Constantly. Have the means. Have a plan. Have a day. Have no hope. Have no one. Have given up. Have not the will or energy to do it. And want so desperately for anyone to see just how much pain I am in that I would rather die than live like this another day. Maybe I would not think about suicide all the time if I told someone, if I could do that, maybe it would be better, but I have no one, and feel so ashamed of myself for thinking these things, planning these things, wanting to be dead. It's so shameful to me, so unacceptable, but so very real and so very very very painful I feel like I am going to die just from the pain.
  2. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    No one at all? Can to tell a doctor or someone? There has to be someone. :hug:
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know the pain you're feeling. How it takes over everything. Every breath. Hun call even a crisis line. It may not be the same as telling it to someone you know. But the people there know how to handle your pain and might be able to help you through this. Are you religious? Attend a church? You could speak to your minister. It would be confidential if you ask. Talk to your GP. If you arent getting any help with therapy or meds, talking to your GP can help get you those things. And you have here. If nothing else, we know how you are feeling. How overwhelming it all feels and gets. Please keep holding on :arms:
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Swimmergirl -

    we are all here to listen and help if we can that way.

    you aren't alone. never think that - even though it feels that way sometime, you are NOT alone.

    i agree re calling a crises line, it helps, especially when we feel so low that we don't think we can carry on.

    take care, do it day by day.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Don't give up swimmergirl. Instead of planning on how to die, why not make a plan to get better? Have you started eating healthy again?
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey I'm sorry that you feel this way, here are some hugs :hug: :hug: :hug:

    do you want to talk about things that you've tried to get better, maybe we can talk about that?

    I hope that there is a way for you to get better!
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I understand your pain and can hear how much you're hurting...calling a crisis line is helpful..just talking to another human voice can help when we feel so alone..
    I wish I could give you a real hug but this will have to do :hugtackles:
    you are not totally alone while you still have us SG..
    please stay safe
  8. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    I hope your thoughts get better. I know how deafening they can be!!! I too am in the same palce as you and am just trying to hold on for one day at a time. I want the same for you, one day at a time. PM anytime if you need to talk or vent. I did try calling a crisis line the other day, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, maybe think about trying that, they do try to be very helpful in every situation. I wish you well!!!:hugtackles::hugtackles:
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