Constantly thinking about killing myself. Constantly. Have the means. Have a plan. Have a day. Have no hope. Have no one. Have given up. Have not the will or energy to do it. And want so desperately for anyone to see just how much pain I am in that I would rather die than live like this another day. Maybe I would not think about suicide all the time if I told someone, if I could do that, maybe it would be better, but I have no one, and feel so ashamed of myself for thinking these things, planning these things, wanting to be dead. It's so shameful to me, so unacceptable, but so very real and so very very very painful I feel like I am going to die just from the pain.