The thoughts are here...

[BlueHealingHeart]

Those horrible thoughts are here and I'm so tired of suffering. Right now my eyes hurt so much, they're burning and I have a migraine too. I'm about to take something for it soon. I've been posting a lot lately cause I'm emotional and I tend to get very sensitive by things.

Today I was talking to a friend of mine online, he knows how I feel about him and he knows I love him but he won't say "I love you." He's moody right now and down which I understand, but does that honestly stop you from saying, I love you? I have no idea.....maybe I'm just expecting him to say it. He said I'm very special to him today though, I feel his love for me is nothing more than a friends but yet he yet he says, "not only are you doubting what I felt/feel/will feel for you but also doubting my friendship and everything I did for you and for both of us."

I feel like he's stating the truth and than another part of me doesn't believe him cause I suffer with lots of trauma in my life and I want to be happy. I'm sorry for those who I upset but I'm in a horrible mind set right now and I can't think straight and why is it anytime I'm heart broken or crushed or thinking a guy doesn't love me makes me I suddenly think like this? A part of me is is wanting to let this go and forget about him all together and never talk to him anymore. However the good side of me says, I'm being paranoid and I should start loving myself and work on my thought process a little better. What do you think??

 

[Brian777]

I think that when we look for happiness in another person we'll be disappointed. I don't mean this in a bad way, just that's been my experience. People will let you down, it's not their fault, it's just human nature. Sometimes we get an image in our heads about how things are going to be and how happy it'll make us. But the other person may have different ideas. Happiness can only come from within my friend, I'm still looking to find mine so I know it's a struggle.
I do believe though, that when the right person comes along, everything will fall into place. You're still young and I'm sure there's someone special out there for you, maybe it's this guy or maybe someone you haven't met yet. It's usually when we aren't looking, they show up. I hope I didn't make you feel bad, I know what a broken heart feels like. Be gentle with yourself.
Brian

 

[Striking]

Yes, focusing on yourself is always a good decision. Love for yourself will always be a constant even when many other things are lost

Saying I love you, is probably the biggest vulnerability leap we can take. Your reaction to this vulnerability is not unique because we would all breathe a sigh of relief to hear it back.

Find joy in your love for another. Try not to manipulate more than that out of a relationship. Your love should not be dependent on his love as they are very separate things.