The tide came in & swept me up.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Gergin, Feb 11, 2016.

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  1. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    Juggling anger, depression, and lonilness. It's a balancing act that takes all my attention. I maybe quiet by nature but it's just me concentrating on not letting all these thing drop. I don't have enough energy to go through all these "emotions" at once so I cycle through them. Depression is the easiest to deal with. You can hide it. I can seem to have everything together on the outside but behind my eyes the wheels are turning. They're screaming EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY! YOU ARE NOT OKAY. I have to constantly remind myself not to forfeit. Don't give up. You are stronger than this. You are lovable. You are enough. It's difficult to be strong but isn't it better to say you were able to live another day? Maybe even another hour. Anger and loneliness usually visits me at night. I can be angry then lonely. Or lonely then angry. It's never just one emotion at night. It's both. Sometimes, lately, when I lose concentration I feel all three at once. I don't know what to do when I drop the ball, so I just cry. Cry for the ugly, lonely, angry, depressed me. Cry for the things I couldn't change. Grieve for the terrible things that have happened. I've been wailing for the past week now. Snot running down my face, hyperventilating, red eyed crying. I haven't felt this lost in a long time. I feel vulnerable like the Child me when I was in foster care. Recently my roommate and I got into a huge argument and he moved out. I don't know how I am going to pay for rent, my car, and my bills. Nor feed myself all on a min wage paycheck. It's so much nicer when you have someone there helping you pay for half. Even if the other person is a sociopathic narcissist. It beats feeling like you're drowning. I've been in a constant state of anxiety because of this. Fight or flight is always on my mind and I have always chose to run. All I want to do is run from this reality.
  2. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your situation. I can relate to some of it. It is a battle, one that I believe is probably lifelong.

    I hope you are able to get another roommate to help shoulder costs. Good luck
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you've ended up in this situation. *big warm hugs*
    I hope you can find a better roommate soon to help you pay the bills, are you seeking one at the meeting? Money can mess you up, I know that... but it doesn't have to be the end of the world. Ask for help where you can!

    You are welcome to message me if you need someone to rant to or get some support from when you feel low.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I hope you can get a new room mate soon to ease the burden. I am sorry you feel the way you do. You don't deserve this, no-one does. I honestly ''prefer'' depression from anxiety because depression is easier to hide so I know where you are coming from. Keep talking to us here and hopefully this will pan out and get easier. I will be thinking of you *hugs*
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