to say goodbye to all my friends and family. (like they care) I have done this now (this being "living") for almost 40 years and I have had enough. It won't be today nor tomorrow but the end of my world is coming, I can feel it deep in my heart. The end is near for me and await it with open arms. I told my one and only friend this morning that my time has come, and she was very sad (she cried). She should not be crying she should be happy. happy to know that i will no longer be suffering. I had to lie and tell her it was just words. but my heart knows the truth. she told me to hang on things will get better. But how long does one have to wait for things to get better. Isn't 40 years long enough. do i have to wait another 40 before i am allowed to end this misery?? why is it so important that i keep going, what really is it going to matter? I am no one special, I have no special talent or anything worth saving. I could see it being a waste if i had amazing contribution to add to the world but i don't. i am just wasting space and air that could be used for some one more worthy then i. it clear and simple really. the world will not necessarily be a better place with out me but it sure as hell will not be a better place with me hear.