i am about to get fired and if i do, its all over for me. i will be in a downward spin i wont be able to recover from. last year when my best friend was still alive, i know if i had been fired i could live with her and not be homeless. now shes dead and i'm all alone with no help. i tried to get a second job a few months ago and i didnt get one call so i know i'll end up homeless. i wont be able to live in my car cos it will be repossessed. i wont even be able to look for a job, i wont be able to pay for my cell phone. i'll lose all my belongings cos i dont have the money for a storage shed. it will snowball into a horrible nightmare. i have a certain method that will be 100 % for sure but i'm scared. i'm not even really suicidal, but i have no other options, i'm not going to live under a bridge. i have no money even for one more month of rent. so i only have a few weeks. i wish i knew if there was life after death, i dont believe it though. the worst part of this is my two furbabies. i see their innocent, trusting faces and cant believe i have to put them to sleep first, i have noone to care for them and they are too old anyway. i'll probably write here one last time the day i choose to kill myself. i'm so scared. and alone. i wish i had a more peaceful way to do it but they arent always reliable and i cant fail at this.