The time is gone, the end is next.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Neverhappyalwayssad, Jul 8, 2009.

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  1. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    My mom keeps throwing around the term long term care as instutionlized as I will put it, and I guess I even hinted that I wanted it but really I don't see the point. The realization Ive come to is that its pointless, because I have no desire, to get better. Getting better isn't possible, cause I secretly don't want to get better but even if I did it would be pointless cause its not possible. some irrational thinking brought to u by this whiskey lol
  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Why don't you want to get better?
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Maybe you should go ahead and try long term care. they might be able to help you find what is behind you wanting things to stay as they are. I am wondering if you fear getting better? Sometimes the fear of the unknown keeps us in unsafe places. You become so used to things being this way that you are afraid you can't handle it if it is different. If you accept the help, maybe you will find you can be comfortable with things in a different light. Really what have you got to loose?
  4. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    What if they can't though? I mean, what if it is all pointless. Life sucks, and I see it for what It is, disapointment. I;ve never had a girlfriend and I don't ever see my life getting better with one. I may be drunk as hell, but really what is the fucken pointm I have the materials to end it all, but what keeps me from doing it? Fear? Fear maybe, but fear of what? Death, what is to fear of death but the end? I see death as the end to it all, and hopely, what I hope for is the end.
  5. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    There's only one way to find out if it'll help or not.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Try it out. If it doesn't work, you can still make whatever decision you choose to. At least you will know that you have tried. :dunno:
  7. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    It defintley wouldn't hurt to try. It may be surprisingly helpful to you. when I was put into a hospital for the first time I was extremely uncertain on if I wanted to be there at first. As I stayed longer I realized how much it truly was helping me. And now that I'm back to the state of mind I was in then I'm considering voluntarily going back. It could turn into a good experience for you if you go.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think you should go and give it a try.. I have been in the hospital ten times..They have kept me safe from myself each time..I remember my first time, I was sick for four days.. The only time I got out of bed was to use the bathroom..No one even checked on me those four days they waited for me to get up and start showing an interest in what was going on around me..The reason I was sick was because I had od'd and the next four days I had one hell of a migraine headache..Each time I went in the hospital I went voluntarily..And each time I grew stronger in my own mind.. Now I am still suicidal with a bunch of other problems but I know I won't act on the ideation..It would take a major trigger to make me attempt again..I hope you decide to go it can really make a difference for you...
  9. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    Gentlelady is may help you more than you think, but if not, it can't hurt. The choice will still be yours to make.
  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    You can't say it won't help til you've tried it. It might be worth trying it :) Good luck!
  11. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I know what unsure is all about. It took me a long time give help a try. I still have days that are really bad. I go to my safe place in my head to get through the bad thoughts. This way you have control of them.
  12. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Have you been in care before... therapists etc.
    Even if you have, some therapists are much more insightful than others. I've had good therapists in the past, but not until my last therapist did someone actually explain what was going on.
    Maybe you will find someone who can help you understand why you feel the way you do and help you discover what you need to make getting better become a possibility.

    And you say you don't want to get better, but maybe you just can't see right now why that would be a good thing, how that would in feel, and what that would look like. Getting better is fucking scary. Trying to heal is scary because it can feel like it's not you or not worth it or whatever. But maybe someday you'll see that you can be happy, and that it's something that is desirable.

    I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose to do. We're here to support you 1,000%
  13. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    I don't know, one thing that scarys me about long term treatment is they are so far away, and long term seems way to long lol. I haven't decided and it will be a hard tough decesion, I don't know I'm lost, very lost.
  14. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    Well I've decided to go to one, hopely they have an openning. Its a minimum 1 year program with most people staying for 12-15 months. They also help with school, and getting a job and being independant. Surprisingly I'm pretty excited. So maybe it will work. Gonna cost a lot of money for my parents though :(
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