I am tired writing about my pain,socializing when it hurts to exist... being a human being when I feel like complete and utter crap. I feel more like an ogre or a troll or Godzilla. Brittzilla. That's me. Right now, at this moment in time. I am in PAIN. My whole existence is pain and I don't have the urge or motivation to mind over matter the situation. I want people to know at this point in time I do not fit in to their perfect little bubbles of joy, delight, activities, friendships, parties, wit, humor, laughter, and much much more.
They are all pointless to me. The only thing that matters to me right now, right in this moment is relieving the symptoms and pain that accompanies it. that is the only thing that matters to me in this life, at this juncture. Id say sorry to family and friends but I'm not.. if you want me to care for you better then you should want to see me GET better.
I want them to know I am not a person. I was stripped of that privilege. I want people to know how lucky they are for havingg the privilege of being a PERSON, with feelings and hobbies and personality and ambition and goals. It is bad to compare, but how can you not? everyone does it. Everyone who is not in utter pain should see how lucky they are. but of course they don't know anything else and my account can't sway their minds.
There are a multitude of awful things, some of which have happened to me, and out of all of them, the chronic illness and pain is the worst. Not only does it make you physically weak and sick and fatigued it attacks your mind. It attacks your soul. Nothing of value escapes.
I try to be strong but really I think what's happening is wrong and sitting by and doing nothing about it is driving me to insanity. So, I need to start doing something about it, doctors, specialists, and sadly debt... here I come. The world is going to know how many people are miserable and desperate and in pain in the U.S. and how little is done about it. Americans need to start caring more. Social change and justice needs to happen.
I am tired of complaining about it, writing about it, here in my little anonymous corner-- people not really understanding or getting it. People treating me as if I am overreacting or someone of insignificance because I can't muster up the will to be anything but an effigy of pain, pain, pain, pain and then depression.
I am tired of who I am being battered everyday and stomped to the ground by these symptoms. and god, you do not know how utterly and fully fed up I am with people assuming they know what I am going through when they don't experience what I do, telling me how I actually feel, telling me what my problems actually are.
Don't insult my intelligence. I know exactly who I am. I was a girl, now a woman who was strong, feisty, bright and ready for the world who is now trapped inside a cage of pain. My name is Brittany. my name is not Figment of (Insert name)'s Thoughts.
Another thing, if you are not a doctor then do NOT offer your medical opinion because it's not a medical opinion. It is merely an opinion. Your opinion doesn't get that title. This is not in response to those who do experience chronic illness yet to those who do not.
I realize everyone wants to have their own enlightened version of ideas about everything in the world but the truth is sometimes you just do not know. I appreciate the support, I appreciate the kindness but what I do not appreciate is the pretentious and uneducated diagnoses, the abject disregard of my actual experiences, and the outright and blatant insults.
This is not a rant, not merely a rant, this is a cry, a cry for change in the U.S., a cry for actual help.
The thing of most pressing and precious importance is my physical illness. The mental illness I can deal with later. Please tell me if you are in physical pain, that you understand that?
They are all pointless to me. The only thing that matters to me right now, right in this moment is relieving the symptoms and pain that accompanies it. that is the only thing that matters to me in this life, at this juncture. Id say sorry to family and friends but I'm not.. if you want me to care for you better then you should want to see me GET better.
I want them to know I am not a person. I was stripped of that privilege. I want people to know how lucky they are for havingg the privilege of being a PERSON, with feelings and hobbies and personality and ambition and goals. It is bad to compare, but how can you not? everyone does it. Everyone who is not in utter pain should see how lucky they are. but of course they don't know anything else and my account can't sway their minds.
There are a multitude of awful things, some of which have happened to me, and out of all of them, the chronic illness and pain is the worst. Not only does it make you physically weak and sick and fatigued it attacks your mind. It attacks your soul. Nothing of value escapes.
I try to be strong but really I think what's happening is wrong and sitting by and doing nothing about it is driving me to insanity. So, I need to start doing something about it, doctors, specialists, and sadly debt... here I come. The world is going to know how many people are miserable and desperate and in pain in the U.S. and how little is done about it. Americans need to start caring more. Social change and justice needs to happen.
I am tired of complaining about it, writing about it, here in my little anonymous corner-- people not really understanding or getting it. People treating me as if I am overreacting or someone of insignificance because I can't muster up the will to be anything but an effigy of pain, pain, pain, pain and then depression.
I am tired of who I am being battered everyday and stomped to the ground by these symptoms. and god, you do not know how utterly and fully fed up I am with people assuming they know what I am going through when they don't experience what I do, telling me how I actually feel, telling me what my problems actually are.
Don't insult my intelligence. I know exactly who I am. I was a girl, now a woman who was strong, feisty, bright and ready for the world who is now trapped inside a cage of pain. My name is Brittany. my name is not Figment of (Insert name)'s Thoughts.
Another thing, if you are not a doctor then do NOT offer your medical opinion because it's not a medical opinion. It is merely an opinion. Your opinion doesn't get that title. This is not in response to those who do experience chronic illness yet to those who do not.
I realize everyone wants to have their own enlightened version of ideas about everything in the world but the truth is sometimes you just do not know. I appreciate the support, I appreciate the kindness but what I do not appreciate is the pretentious and uneducated diagnoses, the abject disregard of my actual experiences, and the outright and blatant insults.
This is not a rant, not merely a rant, this is a cry, a cry for change in the U.S., a cry for actual help.
The thing of most pressing and precious importance is my physical illness. The mental illness I can deal with later. Please tell me if you are in physical pain, that you understand that?
:confused::eek: