The Ugliest People I Have Ever Met

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ginger Cuesta, Nov 27, 2012.

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  1. Ginger Cuesta

    Ginger Cuesta Active Member

    To me, my mother feels like the ugliest person I have ever met. I know I sound harsh, but that is how I feel about her. She sucks the life out of me. Because of her, I just don't enjoy my life anymore. She is like the center of it. Every little thing about my life is about her. I don't want to hate her, but I feel like I already do. It feels like she doesn't care a bit about me though she claims otherwise. She is just too much. I feel like she is going to be the death of me. She drives me totally nuts. Being around her feels so exhausting. Unfortunately, at the moment, I am still trying to get my life back on track. I am still dependent on my parents. The truth is I am planning to run away from home and never come back (as soon as I finish college). I am going to hide from her (and the rest of the family: my aunts, uncles, and cousins). They are just hell materialized. I just don't want to see them ever again. I feel like cutting them off of my life when the time comes. (PS: I suspect my mother has Bipolar Disorder. . . but what about me? Am I just going to tolerate her for the rest of my life? Her lashing out at me?)

    I just feel so sick and tired of my life. . . sick and tired of everything and everyone. . . that I feel like committing suicide sooner or later. I feel so trapped. I don't remember being truly happy around my family - ever. I feel like I should always watch what I will say and do. It is nuts. When I was young, I used to put them on pedestals, but now they appear a bunch of hypocrites and frauds. These days I just found them disgusting.

    I feel guilty saying bad stuff about them, but I just can't take it anymore. I feel so disillusioned. What should I do? :(
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry for the difficulties and causes of those. A few thoughts- If you are in college you are already and adult- it is not running away from home it is leaving. If the cause of all your unhappiness is your family then put them in your past and move on. So long as you are using them for financial support they are going to have an influence over your life. Either it is acceptable in the short term to complete college, or it is intolerable and the change needs to occur sooner rather than later... neither of these involve suicide- simply a decision about where you sleep at night.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yup agree with NYJmpMaster totally You are an adult now you don't need permission to move on in your life. Get a part time job to help pay for college get a loan and get a place of your own If your family is toxic then the right thing is to move out on your own start a new life of your OWN
  4. Ginger Cuesta

    Ginger Cuesta Active Member

    Hi Ben. . . you're right. . thank you very much for the advice :)
  5. Ginger Cuesta

    Ginger Cuesta Active Member

    thank you for the advice. . . I deeply appreciate it, guys. . . I'm going to get a part time job :)
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Your feelings are not too unusual. After all, your family is a major part of your young life. That is smart to finish college first. I cannot tell you how many people I have had to talk out of dropping out of school and running away. Once you have a job and can support yourself. You can commit figurative suicide... you know you vanish from that life. Sometimes I think I might be happy if I could just up and leave everything behind... I am not sure... really that hope is the one thing that keeps me going. That one day I can leave this area and cut off interaction with my past.
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It can be done - to sever ties with a toxic situation - I left home 26 years ago and have never looked back. I am not recommending it is a preferred course of action in any way - but I am saying if the situation is truly bad it can be left behind if effort is put into it.
  8. mackaroni

    mackaroni Well-Known Member

    Best advice would to be break away! Toxic people do nothing good for you. Yes she is your mother but you dont have to live with or be near her to still be a supportive daughter.

    Second never allow another person control how you feel about your own life! Nothing is worth committing suicide and if you did would this change what these people would or wouldnt do?...Probably not!

    Keep reaching out here and find some supportive people in your life. If you are college in the US most colleges have a student counseling service that you can use free of charge or contact the student health center or student activity/registrar any office as they can connect you with someone in your community. Plus your family wouldnt know unless you told them yourself so you dont feel like you might be judged!

    Take good care of yourself and PM sometime if you want to chat more!
  9. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    One of the ugliest people I ever met was an ex friend of mine who went behind my back to date a guy who said he liked me (which is why she did what ever she could to get him) she then proceeded to lie about me behind my back,try and turn my friends against me,and after all of that she went on to create a fake account under a fake name and then proceeded to slander me making ridiculous accusations.
  10. Ginger Cuesta

    Ginger Cuesta Active Member

    Thank you for your wise thoughts. I deeply appreciate them. :cocksure:
  11. TheStressMess

    TheStressMess Member

    Although, I am going through an anxiety/ocd episode that's beyond miserable... I feel like ending it all, but in your case... I truly understand what you're going through because I am actually going through the same situation with my family and I was thinking about moving away and hide from them and send emails every now and then, but what's stopping me is the guilt, because deep down I love them and do not want to hurt them, and most likely your Mom is not aware of the way she makes you feel. Although you may think you hate your mom, deep inside you love her and don't want to hurt her feelings. However, Moving away and cutting ties could be the best thing, if you believe that would make you happy and free. I think you should plan it and go for it. Good luck a nd Keep living I know it seems unbearable because I feel like ending my life too but I'm still going to try to get help and If I can make it I know you can no matter what. Hope I helped. Good luck, and remember in our lives we have to do what's best for us.
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