The UK, Appearance and Being Really F*cking Rude

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by Freya, Aug 27, 2014.

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  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Yesterday I had yet another run in with "the general public" that left me feeling thoroughly shit about myself. Now, if this had been a one-off then I could (possibly) have brushed it off and moved on. However, this particular encounter pushed me past the half dozen point in the past couple of months and can, in no sense, be written off as an aberration.

    I am fat. I am not "make a documentary about me" fat - I am just fat. I don't need an extra plane seat; someone of a normal size can comfortably sit next to me on a bus; I even buy clothes from *gasp* a 'normal' high street store from time to time. But lets imagine for a minute that I am the fattest person in the world - what on earth makes complete strangers feel entitled to pass comment on the contents of my grocery basket, shout at me in the street that I need to 'eat a few more salads', s****** with their companions - well within earshot - about how disgusting I am? And I am not talking about teenagers (not that that wouldn't be unpleasant as well) I am talking about men. Specifically men appearing to be somewhere in the decade between 25 and 35.

    This, however, is not just a personal rant (Though undeniably fueled by my personal experiences). When national newspapers (Daily Mail, so "newspaper") are publishing things like this where this particular 'journalist' is horrified that a group of plus sized girls had the barefaced audacity to go out in public in clothes they liked and actually appear to be having fun, rather than hiding away all summer covered up in neck to ankle sackcloth and sparing the poor general public from the horror of having to encounter them in the street, is it really surprising that certain people feel entitled and justified in what can only be described as real life public trolling?

    Maybe this is not a UK problem - maybe the rest of the world is equally f*cking rude - I don't know having not spent enough time in any other country. But my experience of men in my age demographic in this country suggests that the very vast majority of them buy into the media concept of how a woman "should look" and seem not to understand the concept of airbrushing. Women should be thin and toned, "curves" means a nice arse and big boobs (while still having a tiny waist and washboard abs of course) and they need to look perfect while "not wearing too much makeup".

    Is this a UK problem? Are AUS, US and other places just as bad?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think this is a world wide problem and yes blame the dam media for it there part in stipulating in how a women should be and look The fashion industry is the worse one for that.
    There will always be ignorant immature idiots out there and i am sorry you had to deal with some of them Freya .
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I can safely say that I am not one of them types of guys (although I do fit the age range quite well... ).

    I've dated plus sizes without a problem - as it's the person not the "outer case" that is more appealing to me.

    There's far too many people who do that - so the easiest option is to disregard what they say. You know you better than they do - let it get to you and you let them "win" - for want of a better phrase. It is worse than primary school bullying when fully grown adults have to resort to it.
  4. lost81

    lost81 Staff Alumni

    At the end of the day, just remember it's the Dailyracist.. I mean mail. You get mindless conformism pretty much anywhere you go these days but not everyone is so scared, they need their opinions dictated to them.
  5. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    :wink-new: Are a very large number of men aged 25-35 really giving you the catcalls? Or is it that such comments hurt, so that personal perception magnifies both their number and their importance? It's probably a good guess that for each passerby who says something to you about your physique, there are 100 others who say nothing to you. But it doesn't take many instances to create the impression of rampant incivility. Londoners may be somewhat more forward than people in Utah are, in street situations next to strangers. People here seem to be reluctant to make random insults in stores or parking lots over here, perhaps because retaliation is feared--there's somewhat less anonymity than in London.

    The journalism you cite is probably a matter of what sells to readerships.

    :wink-new: A history of this issue can be enlightening. In days when famine was a continual threat, being fat was envied as a state of beauty. Just look at King Henry VIII, whose portrait painter Holbein did not lie regarding his girth.

    :wink-new: Kelsey in Daily Mail also raised connected health issues to justify the "opprobrium" she wants dished out--her main thrust was that overweight should be as unacceptable as smoking has become. Since those who pursue good health habits do subsidize the health care of smokers and the obese via insurance contributions, she can draw a point. Hurtful comments are in fact an effective form of pressure.

    :wink-new: However, smoking wasn't vanquished by encouraging the general public toward verbal offensives against smokers. Rather, general public permission to treat smokers as pariahs came well after smoking rates had already declined.

    Therefore, I don't consider people who accost smokers or fatties in public as a particularly courageous bunch. Anyone can deliver blows from safety. And those who behave in the way Freya describes don't really have the public welfare at heart anyway, but are just seeking an ego boost at someone else's expense.
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2014
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I cannot speak as a real authority on this- and I suspect none can unless they share same issue - but based on my recollection and having spoken to you about some of these instances I can say I cannot imagine it happening in the area I live and certainly not without it being such an aberration that it would be a 1 time in years type of thing. I will say I believe "size" is far less of an issue in general here than in many places around the world (by here I mean in typical rural or suburban US - the large cities and metropolitan areas have a different set of standards and rules of etiquette and behavior that I abhor as it is a mass group mentality usually that I abhor and avoid when possible).

    The age set you are talking about is a large portion of it I believe - and I believe your location does play role. I cannot explain why I believe this without so many generalizations and stereotypes that I would offend a lot of people that might read this - but like most generalizations there is a reason they come about and while there are always exceptions there is also a lot of truth in them. From both your accounts and descriptions plus my first hand knowledge of the area you are in I will say there are many many more forgiving (not sure why political correctness forces me to say rude assholes are less forgiving rather than calling them rude assholes) places in the world - and even that statement is offensive as it implies there is something that needs to be forgiven on your part.

    Saying forget it and don't let it bother you and that their narrow mindedness costs them more than you is pointless- I understand that is impossible advice to listen to and far too easy for me to say since it is not me. It is wrong - it is immature and it is based on some need to feel superior to others - anybody else- and likely stems from the fact they know they are actually inferior as human beings to the vast majority so pounce upon the opportunity to try to feel superior. And as mentioned above - it would not go well here in most areas because the threat of retaliation whereas there it is okay to say and be rude and not expect any actual confrontation or retaliation whereas here confrontation and retaliation would be nearly assured in many instances you have described.

    I am sorry that some people treat you that way. I am glad it is a person or a comment or a single story of the tens, hundreds and thousands of people, comments, and stories that you here or read or see. All I can offer is that it is a minority that you do not want to be friends with and would find intolerable to be around in any situation at any size because you are not that type of person. Of that, I am grateful , I am glad you are a much better person than they are and glad that I know you and have not had the displeasure of meeting them.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Definitely not a problem confined to the UK. When I was at my heaviest I didn't wanna go out, I felt guys were looking at me in disgust and I believe they were. I refused to go to many outings/social events because I always had nothing to wear that would help me feel more confident about my body.

    About 2 years ago - I would rather not say what weight I was was but I had a few extra stones, I was big but not huge... I was walking into tesco to do my weekly shopping and I walked over to pick up a trolley to start my shopping and the security guard said to me - the pizzas are on sale in a very sarcastic way. I was mortified, humiliated, I would have complained him to whoever was in charge but I was just so embarrassed but it still wasn't enough to change me. I just stopped going outside less and wore baggy clothes and ironically comforting eating more, I felt so bad about it.

    As of now, 2 years later (but I have lost this weight recently) I am 3 stone lighter and I feel so much better for it. I can now wear pretty clothes that show my curvy figure in a nice way-but do not get me wrong, I am still over weight.

    Anyone that judges someone for their weight is ignorant and vain.

    Nowadays I am still trying to lose weight and I was surprised at how fast it was to lose it at first when I made drastic changes (only food, don't exercise). But it has slowed down and is getting harder to get those lbs off but by christmas I want to reach my healthy target.

    I am sorry you feel the way you do... I really do honey 'cos I know how hard it is. I know I said I lost weight fast but it took me a long time to build the strength to even get to that point. So I just hope you feel better knowing that you are not alone in this!
    Anyone who judges someone by their weight is vain, ignorant and don't deserve the time of day. Just my 2 cents, I am here if you need to talk. :hug: Also-having a diet buddy can help a lot!

    Just want to add- I agree with what was said about the media playing a part of this problem. Is reading on the front page that Britney is exercising 5 times a day supposed to make us feel better? Seeing supermodels with their perfect bodies, perfect abs (I'm finding it very hard to shift the weight off my stomach :( ) airbrushed pictures...what kind of message is this sending out to teenagers? I can't speak for anyone else but when I was a young teen, I bought these magazines and tried to follow those stupid fad diets.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2014
  8. Steve

    Steve Member

    Self-righteousness. The same mindset that tells the homeless to get a job, the suicidal that they are cowards and selfish, the list is endless.

    If I cared what morons think about me I'd be occupied with it 24/7.
  9. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    May I just correct you Lu, it's the DailyFail*
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    LOL! Lexi!

    Lu, you know I know exactly what you're feeling and going through with the weight issue.

    That said, I and a friend were once in a pub minding our own business.
    Two men came in and started verbally slagging off a woman having a drink at the bar.
    Such remarks as "look at the face on that", "F*** me I've seen better looking dogs" etc.
    The poor woman, who looked perfectly normal, was slim to the point of anorexia and had obviously made an effort to look her best; left in tears.
    My mate, who would have died before letting this pass, immediately turned round to these adonises and pointed out, loudly, that they were fat, balding, had bad teeth and should avoid mirrors incase of breakage!
    They fled the pub, to cheers from the rest of the clientele.
  11. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Haha Terry. People comment on my dad's weight a lot, especially in the ruckus' he manages to create. Of course, they call him a fat bastard. To which he replies, "I know I'm fat but I can lose the weight, but you'll always be an ugly c*nt!" Has me in stitches every time!
  12. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    There's shallow idiots and bullies all over the world, which is really unfortunate, because people should actually get to know others on a personal level instead of making snap judgments. I'm sorry that people have been so rude to you, some people are just very ignorant and they think they can treat others however they want to. It's easy to say they are just words, but I know how much they can hurt, as things that have been said to me all of my life have obliterated my self esteem. But they don't know you, what kind of person you are, so their opinions are just worthless.
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