the unbearable misery of infertility...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spiritgenocide, Dec 23, 2011.

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  1. spiritgenocide

    spiritgenocide New Member

    now, more than ever, i truly feel i can't go on...i am on the precipice. long story short:

    my wife and i have been batting infertility for over 6 years. there are no words to express how badly i want to be a father. so much time was wasted because we couldn't afford to get help with fertility treatment (IVF). when we finally did get help this past february, it didn't work. we were once again able to get help this past month, only to have the cycle cancelled on us because my wife didn't respond to the treatment as we had hoped. now, we're dealing with the possibility of her having an ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy in the fallopian tube). if this is happening, it is very serious. i am so worried about my wife right now. i absolutely feel like we are being tortured. it seems like everything that could go wrong, is going wrong.

    we can't have children, yet there are really horrible people in the world who don't give a shit about their kids. i cannot handle the injustice. i am drowning in a sea of rage and bitterness. adoption is not an option for me...i *must* have a biological child. the high likelihood of not having one with the woman i love is very literally destroying me...
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're in such pain. You're in a good place here.
    My wife and I also wanted children, she was pregnant twice, but neither child survived past the first trimester.
    I hope you continue to post here, we care.
    I hope you can find peace.
  3. Atompilz

    Atompilz Well-Known Member

    I know it must be hard and I am sorry for your pain and I really hope your wife is doing OK.

    I am wondering if there is any way you would reconsider looking into adoption, even as a last resort. It can take a long time anyway so you would have the time to think it all through more. One of the reasons I suggest it is that many people find it takes the pressure off, they relax a bit and then often end up pregnant because they were less stressed. You say how much you want to be a father and you deserve that, much more than many people who have kids they didn't plan/don't want and it would be a shame to waste that just because of biology. My father found out he was adopted age 60, despite the initial shock he wouldn't change a thing about his parents.

    One way of looking at it maybe differently is to write down all the reasons why you want a child and what you will do for that child. Then write down all the reasons why a child wants a parent who loves them and what they would do to have such caring parents. I am betting the lists will pretty much tally. I am also betting not on either list is 'to look like eachother' or 'to share the same blood'. We all know the things that make a good parent and you have already achieved the main one and that is that you and your wife want a child. If most people had to struggle to have them there would be far less unwanted children but sadly that is not the case.

    You and your wife are obviously meant to be parents but maybe the way you become them isn't quite what you planned but the result is the same, a child who is loved who loves you. I wish you the very best and sincerely hope things will take a turn for the better.
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