I've been seriously suicidal for quite some time now. Having resigned when faced with this tiresome life I am now feeling like I'm walking on water. I feel cold, carefree and above all the mundane misery that's plaguing people who are still determined to keep up this charade they call life. As much as possible I try to avoid contemplating the concept of death, for death truly is unfathomable as the title says. I think it's the height of insolence, audacity, hybris etc. to, as a feeble HUMAN, try to grasp the vast conundrums of death. Death is a concept we can't understand no matter how much we contemplate it. Uh, it's so typically human to try to understand things that aren't meant to be understood. I hate mankind for that. For her insolence and disrespect. For her belief in herself when she in fact is so utterly insignificant. I, too, am part of this human decadence. Being suicidal, as said, I contemplated death last night. I tried to paint a mental picture. And before me appeared this this vast landscape of the realm of death in my head and it kept me awake all night, and when I woke up this morning it felt good. Death seemed similar to this world, but fairer in every aspect. There was both light and darkness. And shapes that we find here on earth, such as trees and rivers and so on. There was definitely an equivalent to heaven and an equivalent to hell. And beyond all this there was a great, dark forest where seeminly the lost souls went. To hide, to live in eternal darkness. To roam like wraiths. Gosh how I long for that forest. To just slide in between the big, robust trees and never see the light of day again. Wander deep into the labyrinth, surrounded by fog and the howling crows of the unknown and be lost. I hope that this forest is what awaits me. The comfort of being alone in the dark, save for the company of the other lost souls who also roam this forest. Where the other souls went, the ones belonging to people who lived life until they died naturally or by accident, I couldn't figure out. The "landscape" I was referring to, which I didn't quite see clearly, is propably where they ended up. Some in the darker parts and some in the light parts. But the forest, lying beyond all this, was where I was destined to travel. Heaven and hell are manmade creations - they're non-existent. That part of this landscape was a result of me being surrounded by Christianity in this earthly life. The constant nagging about heaven and hell have sadly rendered me pretty unimaginative when it comes to figuring out death. But this forest of darkness, where no light ever gets in... ah that's where I will reside with all the other lost souls.