I've been a cutter for 7 years now, and I've finally been able to put the razor down. But I find, with the ups and downs, I am partaking in other forms of self-harm. I've started purging again (which I haven't actively done since I was 11 or 12), I punch walls or dresser, busting up my knuckles, burning myself with water in the shower that is too hot, etc etc etc. I almost find these sorts of things worse, but I don't want to go back to cutting. I want to find other means of coping, but at the moment, with things that have been piling up, I can almost hear the sharp, shiny razor calling me, because my suicidal thoughts are coming back. Cutting was always my alternative to suicide, and I don't know of anything that can help me get through these disgusting thoughts of mine.