The urge to just end it is so strong, i have no energy to carry on over and over..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by katielost, Dec 1, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. katielost

    katielost New Member

    Im 19, and im in university.

    I hate myself, my actions, the way i talk, the way i look,the way i act around people. i hate my anxiety & depression issues, the way i avoid things.. i dont know how to be around people.

    In university im pushed to the side. im in a small group of "friends" and basically, all i do is follow them around while they chat and enjoy their selves. they hardly notice me.

    On example > today when i went in, i walked in the same time as one of the other girls and we ended up walking together to class. When the "friends" who were sitting in class saw us, they looked straight at her and started saying "hello! how ae you? what have you been up to?", they even got a chair for her. i just stood there, nobody said a word. i ended up getting a chair and sitting on the edge like an idiot.

    thats a small example that pretty much shows how my whole life is. Im so quiet, because of my anxiety growing up, i was isolated and now im so shy around people, to the point where, when they're all talking, i get so stressed that i cant think of anything to say. so i just there. like a mute. like an idiot.

    ive got no confidence, bad self esteem, i just absolutely hate ME.

    this has gone on so long, i just dont have the energy to keep picking myself up all the time.

    i've been considering suicide over the last week, im never going to be an accepted person, i wasn't in school, im not in uni and i wont be in life. im tired. i dont want to try anymore. i just want to end this as quickly as possible :sad:
  2. perfectempire

    perfectempire Active Member

    Re: The urge to just end it is so strong, i have no energy to carry on over and over.

    I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm at a university too and often end up in the same situations. Keep an eye out for people who are more shy than you. Start conversations with them and explain how you can relate. It will make them smile and both of you will be less afraid as you face the world together. It will strengthen both of you and get your mind off of suicide. That is how I got through high school. If you can't find somebody shy to talk to, go chat online - it may cheer you up lots.
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Re: The urge to just end it is so strong, i have no energy to carry on over and over.

    Hi Katie. Instead of considering suicide, why not consider try being more social with your friends? I suffer from minor anxiety too and I think that many people do. You just have to put your reservations aside and just talk to people. Please don't give up. :hug:
  4. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    Re: The urge to just end it is so strong, i have no energy to carry on over and over.

    Hi Katie

    I read your post and i can relate to so much of what you said that I could have written it myself when i was in my early 20's. I was always the shy one on the periphery looking in and often I felt embarassed about my presence because I felt I had nothing to contribute to conversations, it was horrible. The thing is that I now realise that most people feel such anxiety to a larger or lesser extent it's just that some have developed in built natural techniques to hide such feelings . For me when i felt shy in a group I would ask lot's of questions ( people love talking about themselves ) and then slowly my confidence would grow and i would show more of my personality.

    I know it does not feal like it and I don't want to sound patronising but honestly those fealings usually subside. They might never dissapear but they usually lessen a lot over time as you become more confident with who you are. I still clam up sometimes but I don't care anymore, i ride the fealing laughing on the inside at my situation. If they don't like me I could not care less because I know that there are people in the world who care about me deeply regardles of whether I'm witty or whatever. I'm sure you have such people too in your life.

    Don't end it though. You're at Uni, you will have a great job one day, you will have great friends too hopefully and one day when you're with your friends you might notice someone on the periphary who is being ignored and because you know the fealing you will pull them into the circle and make them feal better about themselves, that gesture of kindness is why we need you to get through this tough time so that you can help someone else during their tough time.

  5. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    Re: The urge to just end it is so strong, i have no energy to carry on over and over.

    i feel that way aswell, im finding it hard to do day to day things at the moment. please dont think you are alone in thinking this way

    i hope thing start getting better for you

    at least you have friends thats a start right?x
  6. Dying inside

    Dying inside Member

    Re: The urge to just end it is so strong, i have no energy to carry on over and over.

    i also feel that way towards other people in my life
    everyone i know just treats me like the "tag-a-long"
    i dont have any serious friends so i can relate to u on that
    and i know how being isolated when young can lead to being shy but i can nearly be myself here
    i hope that u will be ok as there are alot of people on here to offer help and support should you need it
    my inbox is always open and if u ever wanna talk about anything just let me know even if its just a hello
    i hope you'l find a way to interact with your friends as it sucks sittin there like a mute :(
    dont be considering suicide as that isnt the answer but yet show everyone your strong
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Re: The urge to just end it is so strong, i have no energy to carry on over and over.

    Your friends are imbiciles(did I spell that right) anyhow they are. You don't need there shit. Like the others said keep your eyes open for the shy ones and go introduce yourself to them. Soon others will follow. Just do me a favor and once you make new friends don't become as shallow as your old ones are. You seem to be very bright, maybe even join a club at school, thats a good way to start looking for new friends. Take Care!!~Joseph~
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.