The urges don't stop

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AfterFact, Jul 16, 2012.

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  1. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    It's been 625 days since I last cut and it's getting to me. Part of me know's its not right, but I like the feeling. I like the rush. Is it really so bad? I want to feel good, I just want a release. Is that so bad? I've fought it for so long. I went to drinking instead, that didnt work, I started getting high, that had to stop. I have so many coping skills I could use instead. Part of me doesn't care. They aren't enough. I'm going from one crsis to another, I'm repeating my mistakes. I don't want that. But I like cutting, I like the feeling it gives me. I don't know even I can control it, if I even want to.
     
  2. ash_wanderer

    ash_wanderer Member

    I understand completely, but you have made it so far! About 6 times longer than I ever have. I don't understand why it's so bad either, but we're supposed to stop doing it and you are on the right track if you have made it that long...keep at it! lots of love!
     
  3. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I just couldn't control it anymore. I don't understand it. One moment im in my room trying to sleep, the next moment im wide awake and im seraching the house for a sharp objects. It's scary that I can't control my own head. Now I have to start over again. 626-629 days. A year and a half. I went so far, and now all of it is for nothing. I failed. I hate it when I fail, when im on heavy medication and one down mood fucks everything up.
     
  4. iridescence

    iridescence New Member

    I think that for as long as you are trying, you haven't failed. You haven't failed, and you're not starting over. That year and a half is still an accomplishment, even if you are not adding days right now. You have lived without self-harm, and you can do it again. I'm sending you my love.
     
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