I get that about your family. I guess they were of a certain age, when what other people think is all important. My parents were just hopeless, had no idea the effect on me of leaving me for a year with other members of the family (with an aunt who was a total narcissist and perhaps worse for my brother, left with a crazy friend who insisted he called her 'mum' and had to be moved again). Our family never talked about it, ever. I was looked after by my (older) cousin who told me what happened. I was old enough to remember so I knew a lot of it but my brother was younger and it was only when we were having a light conversation, about 5 years ago, I happened to mention about us both being left and he never knew! It just never occurred to me because there are photos of him in these places but he must have thought it was a visit or a holiday, just totally never knew. I knew I had issues but it wasn't until I had my first son that it really hit me - like, how on earth can you even think of doing that to your own child? But, yes, I think it was just lack of caring on my mother's part and maybe hoping for the best on my dad's part. Then when I had a second separation, like you, I found out it was all going on behind my back. The family arranged it and all I got was that I was ungrateful, it was for my own good blah blah blah. I think you never fully trust anyone if you can't trust your parents.
I'd like to say that you should have been able to choose both - let it out and keep your family. You should remind yourself always that it's not normal, and cut yourself way more slack. It's terrible they didn't see all those signs at school. I just think people don't fully get that children don't just bounce back, don't just grow up and forget it. Like what happens in childhood stays in childhood but it actually shapes who we are, it's the foundation we build on. I suppose I have a bee in my bonnet about how little importance we put on parenting.
I'd like to say that you should have been able to choose both - let it out and keep your family. You should remind yourself always that it's not normal, and cut yourself way more slack. It's terrible they didn't see all those signs at school. I just think people don't fully get that children don't just bounce back, don't just grow up and forget it. Like what happens in childhood stays in childhood but it actually shapes who we are, it's the foundation we build on. I suppose I have a bee in my bonnet about how little importance we put on parenting.