The Very Strongest of Trigger Warnings; Maybe You Shouldn’t Read This

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#41
I get that about your family. I guess they were of a certain age, when what other people think is all important. My parents were just hopeless, had no idea the effect on me of leaving me for a year with other members of the family (with an aunt who was a total narcissist and perhaps worse for my brother, left with a crazy friend who insisted he called her 'mum' and had to be moved again). Our family never talked about it, ever. I was looked after by my (older) cousin who told me what happened. I was old enough to remember so I knew a lot of it but my brother was younger and it was only when we were having a light conversation, about 5 years ago, I happened to mention about us both being left and he never knew! It just never occurred to me because there are photos of him in these places but he must have thought it was a visit or a holiday, just totally never knew. I knew I had issues but it wasn't until I had my first son that it really hit me - like, how on earth can you even think of doing that to your own child? But, yes, I think it was just lack of caring on my mother's part and maybe hoping for the best on my dad's part. Then when I had a second separation, like you, I found out it was all going on behind my back. The family arranged it and all I got was that I was ungrateful, it was for my own good blah blah blah. I think you never fully trust anyone if you can't trust your parents.

I'd like to say that you should have been able to choose both - let it out and keep your family. You should remind yourself always that it's not normal, and cut yourself way more slack. It's terrible they didn't see all those signs at school. I just think people don't fully get that children don't just bounce back, don't just grow up and forget it. Like what happens in childhood stays in childhood but it actually shapes who we are, it's the foundation we build on. I suppose I have a bee in my bonnet about how little importance we put on parenting.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, I heard the phrase “kids are resilient” so many times when I was younger. And, you know what? Yeah, they kinda are. More so than adults anyway. But that doesn’t mean they’ll just bounce back from anything, or that big shit like what your family did won’t leave a mark.
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#42
I don't think you're delusional or psychotic, it seems normal to be a bit paranoid after what's happened to you. And I hope you don't stop talking about things if they are bothering you. I just don't want you to feel you have to suffer alone because we're always around to listen.
I know I can. And everyone’s been really great about it. But I prefer to think about it as little as possible and find that, past a certain point, talking about it accomplishes less and less while forcing me to think about it more and more.

Plus I’m afraid that if I talk about it too much, then that’s all people will think about when they see my posts. And who wants to be known for that.
 

Were all together

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#43
I know I can. And everyone’s been really great about it. But I prefer to think about it as little as possible and find that, past a certain point, talking about it accomplishes less and less while forcing me to think about it more and more.

Plus I’m afraid that if I talk about it too much, then that’s all people will think about when they see my posts. And who wants to be known for that.
I know what you mean Gonz. But, if it helps you to get it out, then do it. People here won't think differently of you. Sometimes, we just all need to get it all out. And, this is the best place for it.
 

Witty_Sarcasm

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SF Supporter
#44
I know I can. And everyone’s been really great about it. But I prefer to think about it as little as possible and find that, past a certain point, talking about it accomplishes less and less while forcing me to think about it more and more.

Plus I’m afraid that if I talk about it too much, then that’s all people will think about when they see my posts. And who wants to be known for that.
Well, I still like you just as much as I did before, so that doesn't change anything. And I can understand why you wouldn't want to talk about it if it stays on your mind. But just know that if you do need to talk, you don't need to be afraid to do that.
 

Nick

☆☆Admin-tastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
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#46
Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, I heard the phrase “kids are resilient” so many times when I was younger. And, you know what? Yeah, they kinda are. More so than adults anyway. But that doesn’t mean they’ll just bounce back from anything, or that big shit like what your family did won’t leave a mark.
There is so much truth in this statement. It's something that I know is true, but I don't KNOW is true. Cognitively I can reason why it is true there are some things that leave a mark. Some things ingrained in there. The part of me wrapped up in demons and monsters has a harder time accepting that I'm not just some adult making a mountain out of a 30 yr old mole hill.

By the way, just to be clear, I don't think any differently of you now than I did before you started this thread. Which makes me stop and wonder why I go to such great lengths to hide the source of my own pain. It's one of those things. I hope you don't hide all away again for several years until it boils over again. I'll respect you no matter what you decide.
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#47
There is so much truth in this statement. It's something that I know is true, but I don't KNOW is true. Cognitively I can reason why it is true there are some things that leave a mark. Some things ingrained in there. The part of me wrapped up in demons and monsters has a harder time accepting that I'm not just some adult making a mountain out of a 30 yr old mole hill.

By the way, just to be clear, I don't think any differently of you now than I did before you started this thread. Which makes me stop and wonder why I go to such great lengths to hide the source of my own pain. It's one of those things. I hope you don't hide all away again for several years until it boils over again. I'll respect you no matter what you decide.
Yeah, I know what you mean. When other people talk about it, I find myself feeling anxious for them, kinda like a kid who’s afraid another kid is gonna bring the wrath of the grown-ups down on the whole group. But I recognize that as my own issue, and I certainly don’t think less of anyone who has been through it, so I don’t know why I have trouble accepting that others will be okay with it when it comes to me.
 

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#48
Yeah, I know what you mean. When other people talk about it, I find myself feeling anxious for them, kinda like a kid who’s afraid another kid is gonna bring the wrath of the grown-ups down on the whole group. But I recognize that as my own issue, and I certainly don’t think less of anyone who has been through it, so I don’t know why I have trouble accepting that others will be okay with it when it comes to me.
That makes total sense.
 

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