The vicious cycle continues.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kunera, Sep 3, 2009.

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  1. Kunera

    Kunera Well-Known Member

    Almost every night, I end up really lonely, and really depressed. Fairly often, I seriously contemplate ending everything, but I've very rarely acted on those feelings (it's been a year or so since the last time), and each night is absolutely horrid. Insomnia kicks in, I lie in bed, thinking about suicide. I spend hours lying there, unable to get my mind off of it. Sometimes, I entertain the thought by listening to all sorts of suicide-based songs, contemplating what the world would be like if I really ended up killing myself.

    Eventually, I fall asleep, and when I wake up, I feel a little bit better. Not particularly great, but I feel willing enough to give it another chance, another day. By the time I get to school, that boost deteriorates, and I'm back to feeling terrible again.

    I think about it some more, I never actually get around to it, again. I feel a little bit better, again, so I give things another chance, again, and nothing really changes...Again.

    Why do I always fall for it, when it never seems to get any better?
  2. Chernarus

    Chernarus Well-Known Member

    Try listening to happier music not quite yeppy hurray music when your suicidal but listen to calming not depressing kind of music some music that you may have listened to when you were happy or find some depressing music that helps you get over your problems cause sometimes i listen to some depressing music and it makes me feel better but some of the depressing music makes it worse i believe there are two kinds of depressing music the kind that helps and the kind that doesnt. So play around a bit listen to other songs people in this forum are usually good at coming up with suggested music that helps just post a thread in the coffee house and wait for some replys people in this forum usually have real good taste in music. And its true that music alters moods.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Different music different mind set also maybe your meds need adjusting a bit as well. Instead of lying in be runimating about suicide read a book take warm bath go for awalk even till you tire self out change your routine at night do the opposite of what you do now. It works in time you have a different mindset and are able to shut down faster. Take care talk to you therapist okay stop this cycle before it gets worse.
  4. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    You're not alone. This happens to me all the time. Every night really. And I'm scared that one night, it will just happen. I have acted upon these urges many times. I'm even on all these medicines and it's not helping. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. Just know you are not alone.
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