Almost every night, I end up really lonely, and really depressed. Fairly often, I seriously contemplate ending everything, but I've very rarely acted on those feelings (it's been a year or so since the last time), and each night is absolutely horrid. Insomnia kicks in, I lie in bed, thinking about suicide. I spend hours lying there, unable to get my mind off of it. Sometimes, I entertain the thought by listening to all sorts of suicide-based songs, contemplating what the world would be like if I really ended up killing myself. Eventually, I fall asleep, and when I wake up, I feel a little bit better. Not particularly great, but I feel willing enough to give it another chance, another day. By the time I get to school, that boost deteriorates, and I'm back to feeling terrible again. I think about it some more, I never actually get around to it, again. I feel a little bit better, again, so I give things another chance, again, and nothing really changes...Again. Why do I always fall for it, when it never seems to get any better?