Mentally, I wanna die. But emotionally, I wanna live. Every day my mind wants me to end it. I think to myself logically, critically... Why live? I have nothing to live for and I'm not happy. Why stick around just to suffer? Why stick around and endure this pain just for the slight chance that things might get better who knows when? But every day my emotions want me to live. The fear of death keeps me alive... The process, the pain, what comes after. Love keeps me alive... Wanting to love someone, wanting someone to love me, wanting that passion with someone. No matter how much I think about wanting to die, my emotions are always there to battle those thoughts. It feels like there's a war going on inside of me between my mind and my emotions and I'm just a bystander waiting to see which side wins.