I've recently had to go on job seekers alowance after leaving my job. I've been thinking about going to see the doctor lately as there isn't a day that goes by where i don't think about suicide I stumbled upon this site looking for a painless method which if I had found this message would not be written. I think i am just programmed not to want to live, some people don't like certain things and don't want to do them well I just don't to be alive. I can remember being 10years old and trying to kill myself because i didn't want to be in a school play it's just the way I've always been I just don't want to be here. Through school and even today I've 'wasted' my life by not getting any qualifications in school etc, and when people say you'll regret it when your 30 I've just always known i'm not going to live that long it hasn't been a question in my head its just been a fact. I think I will end up committing suicide soon as lifes really gone S**t lately and my heads really in not care mode. I'm 50/50 with going the doctor but then I think whats the point as i don't want help and I don't really want to get 'better' as it is just the way I am. I'm not looking for don't do it advice or you've got so much to live for I just wanted to say how I feel thanks.