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The way I Am

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Richiemana, Feb 4, 2009.

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  1. Richiemana

    Richiemana New Member

    I've recently had to go on job seekers alowance after leaving my job. I've been thinking about going to see the doctor lately as there isn't a day that goes by where i don't think about suicide I stumbled upon this site looking for a painless method which if I had found this message would not be written.

    I think i am just programmed not to want to live, some people don't like certain things and don't want to do them well I just don't to be alive. I can remember being 10years old and trying to kill myself because i didn't want to be in a school play it's just the way I've always been I just don't want to be here.

    Through school and even today I've 'wasted' my life by not getting any qualifications in school etc, and when people say you'll regret it when your 30 I've just always known i'm not going to live that long it hasn't been a question in my head its just been a fact.

    I think I will end up committing suicide soon as lifes really gone S**t lately and my heads really in not care mode. I'm 50/50 with going the doctor but then I think whats the point as i don't want help and I don't really want to get 'better' as it is just the way I am.

    I'm not looking for don't do it advice or you've got so much to live for I just wanted to say how I feel thanks.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Rich and welcome...sorry you are feeling so awful...I am sure that you will find others here who will understand how feel...again welcome, J
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    Welcome. I have felt much like you do, not wanting to survive to another birthday. I *did* go to the doctor last year when my suicidal feelings were very strong. He really helped, put me in touch with the local mental health services and was very empathetic about my situation. Even though I wasn't really ready to live when I went to see him, I put that 1% of me that wasn't entirely sure in charge and let that 1% do the talking. It took a long time for my thinking to shift back towards life, and I still have the occasional relapse. But it was worth it.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Rich,
    Just my two cents: If I am facing a 50/50 choice I would have to lean towards the doctor. Your choice but the help is there, you have to reach out know one is going to do it for you!!~Joseph~
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Richiemana,

    Welcome to sf :)

    No matter how much you feel that you are beyond help,there is ALWAYS help.
    Please go to your doctor, they can put you in the right direction forward.
    If you are afraid of saying how you feel to the doctor, you don't have to mention you are suicidal..just say you are feeling low, they will understand.Don't worry they hear it all the time.
    You mentioned you're on job seekers allowance, is that another reason for you feeling this way. The economy has turned badly, many others are going through the same thing, they will get through it and so can you.

    I'm here if you need to talk,

    Lynn x
  6. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    Welcome to sf I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now but I am glad you found us here rather than finding a painless way. I would suggest going to your doctor and explain how your feeling as noone can help you if they don't know whats going on. I know that its hard to reach out to people when your feeling so low I struggle with that so much but please give it a try you may be surprised how much it might help
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