the way i feel

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by littlebird, Nov 11, 2009.

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  1. littlebird

    littlebird Member

    What has to happen to motivate positive steps? I live in the past while the present passes me by. The memories of the happy life i had haunt me. I;m a shell of a human being. I idealise about suicide because its the ultimate escape. I've tried but couldvt push myself to do it, the rational mind kicks in damm it. Ive had it with myself I truely think im a waste of air. cant see a way out its been too long like this. i wish i could be saved but i cant save myself i just really have no drive to do anything.
     
  2. littlebird

    littlebird Member

    lost all self respect, dignity and pride. i just have a constant cloud of apathy hanging over me. live in fear of tomorrow i dream it will never come but it does and its not a bright new day of hope jjust a feeling of dread. ive lost myself. just dont feel a desire to do anything. just think about when ill have the courage to let go. im messed up but cant fix myself. or wont.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    no you cannot fix yourself you need help call doctor get on meds for depression call crisis they will talk to you help you for a little while set up some help maybe for you. call hospital tell them your thoughts admit self to hospital get lots of support there. coming here tells my you want a better life so please call and get help now you don't need to stay in this pain anymore call doctor and get help okay.
     
  4. littlebird

    littlebird Member

    cheers for your reply. ive got a psychiatrist & psychologist & also medication. just feel so apathetic about everything. suicide is all i think about these days instead of positive thoughts. i'm scared of death, its the ultimate unknown. i just really hate myself so much. lost so much through being me. i just feel that i dont want to carry on like this any more and suicide seems like a legitimate response, its becoming more of a realisation. there is so much beauty in the world but i feel outside of it all. lost all capacity for positive emotion. looking back this is not what i wanted my life to be at 22. its a mess with nothing productive going on. i live in a shell. christmas coming up and i dont want to be around for it. i know its selfish but i feel the world would be a better place without me in it. im not going to wake up tomorrow and find that all is well and ive got back what i wanted. just feel i deserve to be punished for being such a horrible person, such a failure. im a bird who doesnt sing anymore.
     
  5. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    i feel the same way, it is a very hard way to live, i too keep waiting for somethign to change inside of me for the better, and it has not happened yet, but maybe it will...maybe you wont always feel this way. maybe you will feel joy, love and feel connected to life again.
     
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

  7. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    My heart really goes out for you :'( I remember what it was like. I was in 11th grade and all I did all day was fantasize about dying and being dead. I don't really remember exactly what happened, but it was like a breath of fresh air, the most satisfying thing that I ever experienced when I finally "learned" how to help myself.

    Soldier on and you will get that refreshing breath that you deserve :)
     
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