<------- This is the ok section -------->This thread is created of course assuming that I never gather the courage to kill myself... which is... well I don't know. ANYWAY, so this is basically the philosophy I see should I continue living. I feel that if things are to be then they will be. You know if I am to be happy it will happen. If I am to save it will happen. Everything will fall into place if they are supposed too. Though I do not believe in an overall destiny. I believe that things are kind of planned but not far enough in the future. I don't know how far ahead something might be planned. And I also believe things happen on accident, kind of like the discovery of Penicillin. I really do hope that the mods allow this entire post. <--------- End Ok section ---------> <---------Start not so Ok section ---------> So then, I asked myself why am I suicidal. So while thinking back on this I wondered and wondered and came across the Oncology section some old Bio 120 notes. In the notes it talked about how cancer is formed, cells reproducing out of control. It also talked about how the body protects itself. The most simple and basic way that the body protects its self is by telling the cells to kill themselves. And the cells do just that without thought. When a cells does not respond to the initial command the body tries other things to get the cell to die or kill itself. So I look at the planet as sort of another body. Only we are the cells of this body. And well with our population swell we have become sort of a cancer. So the planet is trying to protect itself in the most basic way it can. Though telling us to kill ourselves. Some listen to that call, and they are no longer here. While others do not listen to that call. Now this raises another question why don't we all just kill ourselves. Well that is simple the body still needs the cells the cancer is attached too. If all the cells just killed themselves we would lose that body part. So no we don't just kill ourselves off. Nature finds the infected inferior cells and commands us to kill ourselves, I am one. So we get this message some of us listen others of us don't. So over the years the planet keeps trying to kill us. Sometimes it succeeds sometimes it fails. But the planet is not purely biological there is something else there too. Sometimes the we weak cancer beings find what we need and the cancer is removed from our body and we are no longer the weak cells but the stronger cells. But this these events are Rare and few and far spread. More often is a more powerful cancer cell convinces us that we are not weak and feeble and should not die. Whether it be through pills or whatever. You have to keep in mind the cancer is a being on its own most of the time. It does not want to die off. So it protects itself by protecting its cells through whatever it can. The way I generally look at things is simple really. Those who were once cancer cells and now are not have it simple. They no longer have those feelings of wanting to die. They are all a memory. As where those of us who think we are cured continue to think these thoughts and have these thoughts. So some just resist them others lean on a stronger cancer cell to make sure that they are indeed okay. <--------- End not so Ok Section ---------->Anyway that is the way I see the world. And questions comments threats?