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The way out?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by r555, Sep 28, 2010.

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  1. r555

    r555 New Member

    This is my first ever post on this topic so please go easy on me and I'll try and explain my situation and why I feel like suicide could be the way out for me.

    I'm a 33 year old male and basically on the whole I find life in general very difficult, from getting out of bed on a morning to going to work, I do have a wife, whom I love with all my heart and at the moment she's the only reason why I dont think I could go through with suicide.

    I think I can pin point when my life took a turn for the worst. I was raised by my Grandparents as my biological parents were very young when I was born and not really interested in raising a child. I'm not bitter about that though as my grandparents gave me a great life and loved me very much. But when I was 15 my Grandad had a heart attack and died, after that I think I was so scared of loosing my Nana that I didnt dare leave her, so when all my friend were out meeting girls and going to parties I was at home with my Nana. To be honest I dont regret that either as I loved my Nana. However when I was 22 my Nana got Cancer and after a 2 year battle she died, this left me homeless although she left me a large sum of money to put down as a deposit on a house, which I did.

    At the time I was very upset and I was given some medication by my doctor after a rather pathetic failed suicide attempt. Things did change though as I met my lovely wife and after a whirlwind romance of 2 weeks we got married, which still ranks as the craziest thing I've ever done. Things worked out though and 10 years later we are still married.

    My problem now is that as a couple we are struggling to have a family of our own and after a miscarriage 2 years ago we are still not having any luck.

    What I cant get out of my head is what I'll do with my life if we dont have a family? Everything we've done for the past 5 years has been geared towards having a family, the house we bought, the job I've taken. If it turns out we never have a family then I just cant see the point in life. I'm not a religious person but if there is a god he put us on this planet to populate and reproduce and if we cant then my life is a total waste.

    I think a big part of me wanting a family is I want to prove that I can do a better job than my parents but also I want some focus in my life, I dont really enjoy my job, although it pays well I've been doing it thinking I'm doing it for a reason - family.

    I see suicide as an option for me if we cant have a family

    Sorry to have went on for so many paragraphs
  2. Aphorism

    Aphorism Well-Known Member

    Hi, I read your post, and it made me think that maybe you should consider spending a little bit more time with your wife? If you two have at least a decent relationship, maybe you could take some time to remember why you got married in those crazy 2 weeks, and it might give you a better sense of direction. Biological children or no, you'll always love her. Right?

    Which brings me to the next thing, I don't mean to preach. But I highly think you should consider adoption or maybe even surrogacy. These options are not usual for couples in the modern day, and no matter how you and your wife may feel about it now--I guarantee that regardless of conception, you'll come to love them as your own flesh and blood.

    Those processes take time, but it would be worth it, especially since you could finally find the peace and happiness in the family you so want.
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