The way you were raised

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by house_atraides, Feb 13, 2011.

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  1. house_atraides

    house_atraides Active Member

    Do you sometimes feel that your family might makes things worse? I know my family loves me but the way we all act might not be very healthy. I was raised to never show weakness and always fight. Truthfully I find it to be very self destructive for many reasons. It has caused co-dependence issues and substance abuse problems for me. Even my best friends know almost nothing about how I feel. They know things are seriously wrong but I never expose much. What is your story?
     
  2. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    My dad was always there as a provider of the necessities of life, but not the emotional support. My mom has always been more of a wreak then me. My dad simple doesn't believe depression exists. He says it is ones own decision. I have always been made to feel weak if I cried. I never felt welcome to ask for emotional support. I remember times I cried as a teen and my dad would look at me and shake his head. I can only assume he was disgusted by it. Now I can't even ask him. Did he love me? Yes, but I doubt he liked me.
     
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    my parents are the number one reason i'm as crazy as i am. it's taking a lot of hard work in therapy to put them in the past. my dad was a violent alcoholic who physically, sexually and emotionally abused me. my mom was neglectful and distant, too caught up in handling my dad's anger to protect us. what a disaster. i'm 45 now and finally beginning to heal. i figure survival is the best revenge. that's why, despite how suicidal i get, i fight to not give in to the urges. i don't want them to win.
     
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I think that my family is normal. But they are probably not. Far from it. I have never been able to confide in anyone and have always been made to feel that the emotions I feel about a situation are the wrong emotions or too intense. So I hide them. I have done from being really young. I was always really embarrassed of crying growing up. From being about 6. So I tend not to cry in front of people now. No one knows my emotions, I keep them to myself.

    The emotions I have seem to be trivialised. I get asked by my Dad why I am miserable, why I have got a mardy face on. I am not miserable, I am not being mardy. It's more than that. To be told I am being miserable and mardy just makes me angry. But then I suppose if they don't know how I am feeling then I suppose to them I am being miserable and mardy.

    My family don't really do emotions. They are just supressed. My mum only gets emotions when she is drunk and that is really frustrating. My dad just goes in to weird moods. He never vocalises how he feels about anything. Then he gets angry easily, takes his mood out on other people.

    So I suppose I get it from my family.

    I quite like this by Larkin...

    They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    But they were fucked up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,
    Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another's throats.

    Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out as early as you can,
    And don't have any kids yourself
     
  5. house_atraides

    house_atraides Active Member

    Even though we have all probably seen alot of chaos in are family. I still find it amazing how the people on these forums and be open. Just showing that your all really strong. Maybe im wrong but isn't all the best art, music/movies, and literature created by people who endure/have endured lots of suffering.
     
  6. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I agree. Art, music, and literature are all expressions of emotion. Seldom can one express such emotion if they have never felt it.
     
  7. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Oh, absolutely. If it wasn't for all the shit that happened, I would no doubt be feeling much better than I am now.

    Not to pin this on them, by any means.
     
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I always felt I was never good enough, not sure if that was them or me :blink:
    I was taught to fight back even tho I'm a girl :laugh: sometimes I used to wish they would take up the fight, maybe thats why I am so fiercely protective of my son.
    I never show my emotions, when I did as a child my mother would pitch a fit, so I learnt to hide them, then got told "You're too secretive"....you just can't win :laugh:
     
  9. Nick_K

    Nick_K Well-Known Member

    I personally don't think the way I was raised is really a cause but it might be making it harder for me to get the help I need or establish social support. I grew up in a very violent household where the beatings came at random, so I spent my childhood learning how to be invisible. I am now an expert in this trade, but unfortunately invisible is not exactly what you want to be when trying to stay employed or make friends in a new city. I try to turn it off and be more outgoing but it is so much of a habit that I feel fake when I pretend not to be shy.
     
  10. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I think that it's not so much the way you're raised, but how you define yourself within family relationships.
     
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