The weight is just getting too heavy for me to handle.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by neverwanted, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. neverwanted

    neverwanted Well-Known Member

    My life is falling apart right infront of my eyes and there is nothing i can do about it!!

    I live too far away from my family and I cant even go back and see them. I live with two of the most emotionless people in the world ( My father and his Fiancee)

    My Boyfriend lives too far away to see each other only on the odd occasion when i have enough money to go and visit him. I spent the new year holiday with him and every bad, suicidal thought disappeared. As soon as i get back to the hell hole i call home they flood back. It was like walking back into hell.

    I have tried so many times to talk to my father but he just doesnt seem to care that he dragged me from my home, friends and family to somewhere where i have nothing and know nobody. He lied to me telling me i would have a job and friends and everything i have ever wanted within months of being here. Well i have been here over a year now and i have one friend.. Who i love dearly. He is the reason i havent done anything to end it all yet.

    I hate it!! I just dont know what to do anymore?

  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey neverwanted,

    Glad you posted and thanks for sharing, it really helps to get it out and take a rest for the pain, this I know.

    It sound like you feel really trapped right now and I am sorry for that-feeling powerless is right up there with hopeless you just wonder as you have what do you do?

    Not sure why you are not able to move out..are you too young? Finances? Could be so many things it is probably a combination is my guess. Is there any signs of possible change in the future? That would certianly help to focus on as would starting to plan - it allows you to be proactive and feel less powerless.

    For now please feel free to lean on us for support and post as you need...reach out and you will see we are here for you and can relate to you on many levels. I hope you find what I have-people who understand and really care.

    Take care and look forward to seeing you around SF,
  3. neverwanted

    neverwanted Well-Known Member

    Hey Bambi! Thank you for replying to My rant.

    I am 19 and i am unable to move out due to finances and i have no paper work to get a job or anything.

    I do see in the future a change but i just dont know when its going to happen. I have already waited over a year and every day just seems to get harder and happiness seems further and further away.

    When i was in My home country everything was fine except one bad spell but i had freedom and a huge sense of independence. As soon as i moved here everything just disappeared. ike a distant memory.

    Thank you for your help.. I am hoping this site can just help me stay away from the bad thoughts and think of teh good ones hopefully to come. :)

  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey..I hope so too.

    Well I see it is gonna be awhile till you break free so you are just gonna half to hang with us :arms:

    Is there anything good going there in Canada? Is it hard to get papers to work? That seems the best place to start as you can earn money and then that will help you get out and ensure that when the time is right you have the means.

    So you are young and therefore I must ask...what do you want to be when you grow up?

    I had to grow up and wish I didn't but ahhh life happens ya know.

    Hugs, Bambi..
  5. neverwanted

    neverwanted Well-Known Member


    I think hanging with you guys may keep me in the light rather than slipping into the dark.

    At the moment there is only one good thing in Canada, well for me atleast. It has been a pretty tough ride to get some paper work just to get a job.

    Asfo wn i grow up... i am not too sure righ now.. something along the lines of a PA or something.. Although, i did have a spell of wanting to be an electrician. But the winters here are too cold and i really would not wanna be outside working in it.

    I dont really wanna grow up though, Seems life gets harder and at the moment i am not sure if i could handle it.

  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    awwww I hear you...what do you feel is the most difficult obstacle you face right now?
    I am here for you ...:arms:
  7. neverwanted

    neverwanted Well-Known Member

    I think right now its just the wait. I have never bee very patient and waiting for paperwork to come through which could help in more ways than one really isn't helping. The worst part of it all is it isn't a guarantee. Maybe if it was things might be a small bit different.

    Thank you for beig there, someone to talk to. Haven't had someone like that in a very long time, well someone who kinda knows what i am going through and can sort of relate.

  8. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Glad to be the for you..if you stick around you can return the favor...heheh.

    Oh waiting is tough and like you said it is uncertain so again we are back to helpless which sucks...again I say be as pro-active as possible and keep yourself busy that helps too.

    So glad to have met you and you can PM me too if you would like!

    Take care, Bambi
  9. neverwanted

    neverwanted Well-Known Member

    I think i will be here for a while, its either that or turn straight into myself which is something i am really not up for doing.

    I do try to keep busy but after a while its hard trying to find something to do.

    Thank you so much for ebing there to talk to me. I really appreciate it!! :)