The Will to Live....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Vangelis, Feb 3, 2010.

  1. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    Something I have always thought about in life. There are different willpowers that govern how your life runs and how much you put "points" into it. The will to live is the one that encompasses all the different wills in our life, without it we're dead. Some wills are more meaningful to us than others. The will to love and be loved, the will of happiness, a will to be successful, the will of ambition, etc. As babies, I think we start out with all the wills set up as high as possible, and as time goes by and we experience life, we lose a bit of it until we lost it completely.

    The mind is powerful, more powerful than the physical manifestation of whatever your preferred suicidal method is. It's the only one that can stop you from doing what you feel like doing. Sometimes you lose it on the way, and you can't get it back, unless something amazing happens in life that gives you an ounce of that willpower back.

    You experience so much pain and hurt in your life that you start losing the will to be loved very fast, next is your own happiness, next is your self-protection, until now all the pain is knocking down your will to live. I've only seen someone lose their will to live a few times, with no underlying medical conditions present or suicidal weapons involved. It's all about channeling your negative energy towards a vital organ in the body, causing it stress. I know I can will that inside of me now. I learned how to make my heart heavy with stress, I learn how to slow down my breathing to the point where I feel almost dead, just by taking all the negative energy in my life and centering it into one location, but you know what's stopping me? The will to love my one and only.

    So far I've lost the will to receive happiness, praise, compliments, the will to hope, my will to eat and drink fully (I only eat and drink to survive)... Last week my love one that I care about most says that when I die, she doesnt want to remember me. That just cemented my end in life because she wont worry or be sad when I'm gone, but she still keeps me in thrall cause she still cares and loves me for who I am and what I've done for her. She's distant at times now and pretty soon the caring and loving will end.

    All that aside, most of us don't want to die, cause we have something we long for, something we still care about in this world that keeps us from doing the inevitable. Even if we deny those feelings in our heads, our heart doesn't. You can easily lose your mind and sanity, but you can't lose your heart and will. Just something I wanted to share whats in my head....
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    awwww :arms: I feel for you I really do.
     
  3. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    Just wondering if anyone else has ever thought of it or experienced it...

    Or could share their input on the matter. Some people can choose to die naturally, but it takes more willpower than picking up a gun, swallowing some dignity and doing it. I rather die in peace, rather than under pressure of my own mind. Die in peace with because my heart willed itself to extinguish life cause it felt there was nothing left to live for and hope for. My heart is heavy right now, but I haven't unleashed the bad stuff yet, a voice in my mind tells me "not yet". I guess it's that ounce of hope for something good to happen.
     
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree can you focus the good on that part of your heart?

    Like totally focus and think of love? Does that make sense? Like the opposite of what you were talking about...I have done that and it is amazing sensation....

    I have heard a story of a Native American that was jailed and it turned to the wall and after a few hours seated staring at the wall he died..he willed his death just like that cuz he had total control of his heart or soemthing.
     
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    just wanted to add that I learned to slow the breathing too...it is amazing what you can do with will power so what about focusing it on intense "good"
     
  6. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    There's no intense good, I never felt happiness before, or what it's like to be happy, thats why long ago, I "threw" it away because me being happy caused pain to others, and it always led to them trying to bring me down. I still get put down everyday by my stepdad and family, but it's all numb to me. I have no foundation of happiness to begin with, I can't even dream of it anymore. I was hoping that my current girlfriend could one day help me make happy memories so I would have a foundation, but she's currently distant to me. She found happiness, took me awhile to get her to see her own happiness, but when someone is happy, they forget the ones that put them there and are still sad. The feeling is happiness is so intense and good, that anyone not feeling like them is nonexistant. I believe that is what's happening now. I don't hate her at all, and I'm coming to accept that my life is going to be nonexistant soon, but as long as she's happy and not worried, then I'm at peace.