the word "Can't"

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by bronwyyn, Mar 4, 2008.

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  1. bronwyyn

    bronwyyn Guest

    Hi, I just found this forum while searching on the net. I have a question I'd like to ask because it seems to me that no one, in any suicide help forum or otherwise has been able to answer.

    Let me give a short background first... I could write pages and pages to explain who I am and what my life has been like, but for now I don't think that's necessary. I just want to tell you that I am 28 years old and am unable to hold down a job for physical and emotional reasons. I have severe migraine headaches that I have been seeking treatment for for six years, and nothing other than narcotic type medications has ever been able to help them. (Please don't answer by writing "You should try _______ (fill in the blank)" because whatever you can think of, believe me, I have tried already and it doesn't work.) Of course, no doctor will prescribe me the medications that work because they are afraid I will become addicted, so I live in pain. I injured my knee several years ago, and now it is so bad that if I stand for more than ten minutes I am in very bad pain, and when I walk I twist it constantly, making it worse. I have depression as well, and no meds have been able to help that either. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for three years, and have tried therapy with bad results. I have anxiety, and the meds for that just knock me out and put me to sleep. My teeth are killing me. I have 13 cavities and one tooth that needs to be extracted, but I can't afford to have any of it fixed.

    I need money badly. If I can't find a way to make it, I will lose my apartment and everything I own. My husband left me (I was a housewife), and for the past three years my parents have been supporting me. They can't and/or won't give me any more money. They will stop sending it in May. They have offered for me to live with them, but, to me, that would be worse than a psycho ward. I love my parents, as long as they are a thousand miles away from me. (I live in Florida and they live in Maryland.) My point is that if I lose this apartment, I will lose my mind completely. There is nowhere else for me to go, and no way to support myself. I HAVE to be able to support myself, but just the thought of getting a job sends me into uncontrollable panic attacks. But if I have to chose between living with my parents, living on the street, or dying; I would pick dying - hence the reason I am here. I don't have low self esteem or anything like that, I am just unable to function in the world, and yet I need my own place, my things, my pets (cat, turtles, and fish), and my freedom to stay sane and alive.

    So I come to my question: what if you want to kill yourself because of finanical reasons? No helpline or shrink can get your bills paid. No medications can keep you from getting evicted. Prayer does not make God send a check to your mailbox. (And, yes, I have tried all those things.) You have to have what the state considers a "serious" medical problem before they will help, and even then it can take years to get aid, and everyone I have talked to says that they always deny your first claim and you have to get a lawyer and appeal it. I don't have time for any of that and certainly no money for a lawyer. Narcotic pain medications could definatly help enough for me to be able to get a job, but the doctors say I am "too young" to be prescribed those medications; like only older people deserve to be pain-free. I could easily work from home on my computer, but I have searched and searched for a way to do this, and all I've found are scams trying to take more of the money I don't have. They prey on desperate people like me. Any legitamate way to make money from home requires a good deal of time AND start-up capital, neither of which I have. So what can I do other than die?

    People always say "money is the root of all evil", but they have it backwards. LACK of money is the root of all evil. People also say there is no such words as "can't", but I know there is. "Can't" is when you are faced with a choice to do something or die, and you would pick die. Like if someone said "Grow three feet taller or you will die", you will die because you CAN'T grow three feet taller. It is the same for me, I can't work and I can't lose my apartment... so what else CAN I do? Does anyone have an answer?
     
  2. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    There is no denying that "can't" is a word. You may be in a situation where you can't go on for much longer without falling into more despair, by losing your apartment, for instance, IF you don't make an effort to move forward by making changes. Of course there are things that we can't do. But by focusing on what you can do so that you are able to live a physically, financially, and of course mentally comfortable life, and not giving up to achieve those goals, you will be actively discovering your possibilities and "can't" will be just a word, not the story of your life. Years ago, when I did gymnastics competitively, my coach would not let me or my teammates use the word "can't" during training. If we slipped up, we were forced to do 100 push-ups without resting, and if we put a knee on the ground, we had to start over. Funny enough, we were allowed to say "I cannot," probably because it doesn't yield a connotation that is quite as strong. "I can't" can be understood as giving up, whereas if you say admit you cannot do something, there are always other options you can turn to which you can do. Surely, there was some effectiveness to the exercise, as it brought out discipline from the coach and ourselves, and it helped us maintain a competitive edge during workouts, because we were motivated to improve our moves and techniques. The point was that we would keep working hard until we succeeded. Please do the same. If you are unable to find a job by looking on the internet, you may want to consider creative, less popular ways to look for a job. Besides making phone calls, making connections with people at business operations you pass by, and posting ads on bulletin boards, I'm sure there are plenty of ways to arrange interviews. I knew someone with a history of odd jobs, who said he walked around a busy train station one day with a sign draped over his shoulders that had his resume posted on, and he got a plenty of job interviews. I'm not advising you to do that, I'm just pointing out that there are an outstanding number of possibilities. If you consider job searching a job in itself, as opposed to a hopeless endeavor, you are pulling forward with strength and not backing down, and are bound to be successful.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2008
  3. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    I feel for you as I'm almost in the same situation as you except that I don't think I can work anymore (not because I have any migraines) as I've had several traumatic working experiences. Mind keeps telling me since I'm scared to death of work, I can't earn a living and what use is a person who can't earn a living, I might as well kill myself. I equate able to work with survival and if I can't work, for whatever reasons, why even survive? So just like you, what can I do other than die?. sigh
     
  4. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    What kind of support system do they have in America? Are you not entitled to benefits of any sort?

    I agree that most ways of making money online are scams. Have you got any talents such as writing or anything else creative?
     
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    bronwyn, boliao also - do you have a camera? i sell photos online at various stock sites, get to set my own hours and work by myself. it's a slow and steady income. if you are at all interested pm me, i can give you info on how to get started. of course, just surviving depression is a job all on it's own.... it's hard enough! but in case you were wondering about self-employment thought i'd mention it,

    catherine
     
  6. bronwyyn

    bronwyyn Well-Known Member

    I have looked into government aid and other things, and none of it is possible for me. I am a very good writer (majored in English in college), but I haven't been able to find a way to make money using that skill. I am also good at photography, but I don't have a digital camera and have no way of getting one. I am so broke I can barely afford food. Actually, I can't afford food, my boyfriend usually helps me out with that, but he's broke now too and will be recovering from surgery for the next month and a half, so will be unable to work himself.

    Every opportunity I come across ends in a brick wall. In May I will be homeless and there is nothing I can do about it. I have tried and tried for years. All I get is catch-22s, false hope, and well-meaning but useless advice. I have to find a way to make money RIGHT NOW, that costs nothing to get started and can meet my medical needs. I have been hopeful for so long, believing that fate or God or something would come along and show me the way. Now I'm just scared to death. I'm running out of time....
     
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