The world and me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shoshana, Oct 30, 2011.

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  1. Shoshana

    Shoshana Member

    I know the world does not revolve around me. That I'm just another wave crashing. That life is short....sort of...and unpredictable. I could be dead tomorrow from a bus or a bullet or a brain tumor. There's no need to commit suicide because eventually nature will do it for me.

    But here is the problem. I am an insanely introspective person. I spend all my free time...which is as of late ALL my time...thinking about how the world works. Observing myself and others and obsessing over the patterns that spread out through our lives.

    Sometimes I tap into a place of great calm...knowing everything is the same, nothing is new, and fame, power and luxury are inventions....because when it comes down to it we spend parts of our life happy and parts of it sad. And that's fucking it.

    If you are born ignorant, uninterested and blind to the worlds problems....then you will probably spend more time happy.

    If you recognize everyone as equal and empathize with others you'll probably spend more of your time being sad..

    There's 7 billion people I the world....we're bound to rub off on each other some how.

    The problem with all my I've logiced by way out wanting to be alive. My inner pessimist has gotten the best of me. In an eerie not anxiety fueled way.

    I probably won't kill myself. But it seems like life is tedium dotted with bolts of real human expression. It's these that are rare and beautiful and worth sticking around for. But even when I'm making I'm beyond happy, but in the back of my head... I'm picturing eight generations from now when no one remembers my name... And the world is just chugging along fine without me.

    It's like death is my obsession. My love and my curse.

    Clearly not normal, but hey at least I'm honest.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope that you can just take each day and live it to the fullest and not worry abt tomorrow hun Throw logic away and just enjoy life. hugs
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm brain dead right now.. Just wanted you to know I read what you wrote..Maybe it's the meds...
  4. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    Hi Shoshana.

    I know what you mean. When I was without friends, I used to think endlessly about life. And yes, I especially tried to see patterns in everything. It was a bit of an obsession I guess.

    But when I look back, it also has to do with living in social isolation. I realized social isolation makes me depressed, and makes me think a lot (too much) about life.

    I hope you keep that in mind. If you're out there in the world talking and chatting with people my analytical mind stops and I'm enjoying myself much more.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,
    I agree with most of what you said. Are you depressed, do you isolate yourself? have you ever spoken to anyone in real life about how you think? if so, what did they say? x
  6. Bluey

    Bluey Active Member

    Your post was interesting. I too have thought most of that stuff.
    This I have thought of be for a lot. Its mostly what stoppes me from doing anything silly.
    The way I think about it is in the eyes of evolution we don't even exist for a blink of an eye. So surely am able to endear what ever pain I have for that long.
    Don't get me wrong am not religious at all. With saying that I am kinder spiritual in that I believe the spirit lives for ever. So this down here is just a blip to what is needed to achieve grater things. Hopefully all this really is for a reason. If I did not believe that I think I would most probably find a way to end my suffering here.
    Am not into false hope but sometimes you just gotta have faith in something. This is mine. With out it I would have nothing to believe in.

    I like the way you think. You think like me. I don't think about this stuff all of the time. It has not taken over my life. But yea I have put probably moor then average thought into this stuff.
  7. Kokiri971

    Kokiri971 Member

    I feel the same way, if I understand what you're saying.

    I've become a believer in the phrase "ignorance is bliss"; but I've also flipped that around, and I believe that bliss is ignorance. I can't see a way to be happy and care about others and the world at the same time.

    I also understand that other idea you described (better than I've ever been able to do it) about how the world just kind of goes on. It makes everything seem really pointless and trivial.

    I really hope you figure something out. Happiness is really awesome. It just seems to elude me.

    Have a hamster! :hamtaro:
  8. 1dayatatime

    1dayatatime Member

    I could be wrong, but to me it seems you're not just highly introspecive, but knowledgeable and curious of other thoughts/understandings.

    I totally get the ignorance is bliss thing. Being in financial customer service, I spent sleepless nights reviewing conversations in my head for options and language on bad conversations, trying to understand their logic in order to help.

    If it will help to discuss this, PM me. If not, I'm sorry I read this wrong, but still hope it is some help.
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