The world burns, I smile

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by densha, Feb 12, 2012.

  1. densha

    densha Member

    I'm an incredibly kind and caring person. I would never hurt a living thing. Yet, there's a dark brooding side of me that thinks if the world ended, people deserve it. Everyone takes advantage of my good nature. My family treats me like I'm responsible for fixing their problems and listening to their complaints. I get stuck in the middle of every stupid situation. My wife complains that she's lonely and depressed, even though she has a boyfriend she's been cheating on me with for four months. We haven't been together for three months. I'm moral, though not religious, I'm far too intelligent for my own good, and as ridiculous as it is, I'm 30 with a career and everyone treats me like I'm still a child. What is wrong with people? I see people and don't judge them for how they look or act but give me a 5 minute discussion and usually I'll discover how pathetic, shallow, and small minded they are. No one wants a human connection, to find meaning, or to feel loved. They just have some base stupid desire built on a system of manipulated ideas of what attractive is. Then my wife has a personality disorder and just uses men for selfish gain. She went from me, an attractive thin young looking red head with talent and intelligence that dresses well, to a dumb older pudgy bald guy who dresses like a slob and has never had a real job is a pot head and an alcoholic. Seriously WTF? She found out he was a pot head and alcoholic just weeks after first dating him and says she wants to help and support him? If that doesn't scream I'm using you what does? No one knows how messed up she is but me.

    Why is it I'm the one who doesn't want to be here? People are awful and I feel like ending my life? It should be the other way around. I'm an amazing person with so much to live for yet it seems meaningless. I've become so desensitized to life. You show me someone who broke their leg I ask what stupid thing they did. You show me a dog that broke its leg, I might cry. People have warped my ability to feel compassion. I could care less about myself, why should I care about you? I suffer so much more than most people could bare to live through. I've been through more turmoil and ordeals than a human could stomach. I lived with a mentally unstable person who put me through hell for 6 years yet I still carry on. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. Why am I still doing this? I don't care about my life, don't have family to hold onto, don't have friends, and now I'm stuck starting completely over. Why is this worth trying?

    Can't I just watch the world burn and everyone feels my pain?
     
  2. RonPSH

    RonPSH Banned Member

    Perfectly stated... :) I easily could've written what you did...it speaks for me...

    Let me share a quote with you? If it rings true with you then you'll know where I'm coming from. You are where I was 3 years ago. 2.5 years ago I got the missing puzzle piece and it's the same piece you're wondering about.

     
  3. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    Sweet jesus that could have been written by me! All you gotta do is add some teenage angst, epic social anxiety disorder, and marijuana and alcohol to escape for a while and yeah, thats me. I'm sorry to hear you're hurting, but just remember that this too, shall pass.