the world ended

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by yoyo_girl, Dec 5, 2006.

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  1. yoyo_girl

    yoyo_girl Member

    I am not going to be able to see my therapist much longer. There is a cap on the number of times he can see me. This has been a stronger blow than i can take. He was the only thing keeping me trying.

    i look normal. i look like i actually enjoy life. i do "normal" things every day. I pass for normal.

    what people don't see is the tornado inside... they don't see that inside i am full of chaos and pain. i feel like screaming all the time.

    but i don't. i look normal.

    even when the bipolar is on the flip side and I am up... i feel dizzy and my thoughts/feelings are out of control.

    i see my psychiatrist on thursday, if he has no better solution for me then i am done.
  2. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    why don´t you search for another professional?
  3. yoyo_girl

    yoyo_girl Member

    well, there are a couple of reasons... the first being money. This therapist is free for me through my university... which is why there is a cap. The second being me.. it is so very hard for me to let my guard down and connect with someone. I had an instant connection with this guy. I feel very very comfortable with him and i trust him. That is not easy at all for me. Having connected with this guy it's almost like breaking up.. even though it's not that kind of relationship. Make sense?

    when i started with this T I was in a major crisis in my marriage... i still am to a degree, but I am not as openly vulnerable as I was.. so in essense this T had a chance to avoid being shut out.

    if i was able to allow myself to trust people i wouldn't be in therapy... so it's a catch22

    thanks for answering
  4. Acetaminophen

    Acetaminophen Well-Known Member

    äyes yes, it's not easy to trust people . .
    i've done so many times and got betrayed . . well nuff bout me.

    Find someone or "something" that you can trust to start off with . .
    buy a pet?? a dog or if you were me . .buy a snake!!^^
    then maybe slowly you'll get back on your way . .
    no person in the world could live without trusting others.

    and think about this, if your therapist really cares . .
    he/she would still talk to you personally and not coz it's his/her job.
    if not, a good friend is always better than a therapist.
    believe me . .
    like us here . hahahaah XDXDXD
  5. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yoyo please wait thing's can get better I know it's hurtful and frustrating,just let your psych know how much he mean's to you express this fully it will be ok try to relax.
  6. Hey

    Hey Well-Known Member

    Hey, you replied in my thread. :smile:

    I don't see why we need therapists, though. Is it the face-to-face social encounter because I've heard some stories and well, therapists don't really know more than we do. They can read words from a medical dictionary coordinating your symptoms to text but really, SuicideForum is all we need. We have been through much more collectively than a doctor with a book and accessory glasses. :laugh:
  7. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    That's a good point. Not to say it's a bad idea to go to therapists but can they relate to your problems just because they've studied a similar case in the past?
    I think you need the support of people who suffer or have suffered as well as knowing the clinical side of what is wrong.
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well looking normal is half the battle. I know I look normal so know one knows but the people who read this text.

    Maybe you can try writing down your feelings? Like come here and yell or get an online blog and yell...
  9. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    I also feel very connected to my therapist. I used to see her every week, then twice a month, and now it's once a month. This is because I've gotten better.

    If you explain to him that cutting down your time may make you do something stupid, then do so. If it gets worse, later you will regret it if you don't.
  10. Acetaminophen

    Acetaminophen Well-Known Member

    A true friend beats a therapist anyday . . -_-
    and this is a fact, don't go off and find ppl who care . . instead
    be yourself and eventually people will get to like who you are . .
    friends cannot be found, they find you . . .^^
  11. yoyo_girl

    yoyo_girl Member

    a therapist... at least a good one isn't trying to compare your case to another. And there are different types of therapy. Right now I am in cognitive therapy. It's about trying to change the pattern of thoughts, trying to rewire my head i guess. He listens to me talk about what is going on and how i feel, and he points out the things that don't add up or the holes in my logic. He asks me tough questions that push my ability to answer... it puts me on the spot.

    i have two dogs. i trust them easily. It's people i don't trust. There is something about me... something that doesn't work right when i try to form relationships with people...friend or otherwise.

    none of that matters. i'm just waiting to talk to my pdoc tomorrow.
  12. Acetaminophen

    Acetaminophen Well-Known Member

    ooooooh, ok . . .
    at least you have someone you can trust!!^^ that's important . .
    Yes i know, these days, a really loyal friend is hard to find . .
    But sooner or later, you'll find one, or more . hehe^^

    There are people near you which you don't realize that care for you . .
    as for your therapy . . well good luck, but don't go suicidal if you don't get therapy . .

    good luck once again . . and a big big big big big . . HUUUUUUUUUUUG!!^^
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