The world I know would be better off without me..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nevergoodenough4u, Jul 30, 2013.

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  1. nevergoodenough4u

    nevergoodenough4u New Member

    Why should i carry on...every since i gave birth to my daughter its been a steady stream of people telling me how i have nothing to show for my life how i am not good enough..i thought that having something was my children and the man who i thought loved me..I'm not so sure lately...i try to express to him how i feel and he calls it a pity party bullcrap or drama then proceeds to turn the whole conversation into something about himself...people have been so confusing first they say I'm a druggie which to be honest i used to worry vicodin and narco and smoked pot all the time...i have quit those bad habits for a long time now but because noone cares to take the time to get to know me they all assume things about me.. my boyfriend i have been with for seven years i have two children with him he proposed on July fourth which makes the fifth time he has proposed he knows after all this time how it hurts me to still not be married but he keeps on with the excuse that it's not the right time...we got into an argument today and all day he's been telling me I'm trash..I'm worthless...i am nothing..I'm a bad mom..and a crap girlfriend ...I've had literally everyone important in my life tell me within two months how i am not good enough..so why continue making everyone around me miserable..I've been depressed for years and don't want anyone's pity or attention..i just can't find one reason to live except that I'm scared to die..my kids deserve better..my love deserves better..i am merely holding them all back..so maybe it's finally time to remove myself from this world..so that their problems since all everyone says is I'm the problem then if I'm not here they will have none..and i just want for everyone to finally be happy...
     
  2. Pertokeyo

    Pertokeyo Banned Member

    Your daughter is to show for your life. She will grow up into an awesome individual with great inner strength and beauty, and she will get it from you.

    You deserve somebody who will listen and care for you, but the real focus has to be on you and your children. They define who you are, and although it will make you feel very lonely at times, you need to interact and do what is right for the children rather than for yourself. The long term rewards will be beyond what is imaginable.

    Don't forget there is always potential to make friends who understand what you are going through. Perhaps now is the time to consider finding and joining groups in your area that can encourage you to reduce the level of damaging drugs you take and form alternative hobbies.
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Your partner sounds abusive, so no wonder you are depressed.
    Sounds like he proposes just to keep you on a string, so how about cutting the string?
    There is a lot to be said for having a new start and I know you think you can't possibly do it all on your own, but I raised 3 kids on my own, worked, put myself through uni and if I can do it, SO CAN YOU!
    If there is any family members who will help, get onto them a.s.a.p.
    If not, there are always domestic violence units that can help.
    Your partner may not be physically abusive, but he sounds very mentally abusive and no one should have to live like that.
     
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