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the world is caving in...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by minnell92, May 20, 2010.

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  1. minnell92

    minnell92 New Member

    so i just graduated high school and i don't know what to do now. i started having suicidal thoughts when my grandmother died 5 years ago. she was like my best friend. when i cam to high school i didn't want anything to do with anyone so i just stayed in the background. until i met this guy. he was sweet, amazing, funny, cute, smart, caring, and everything that i wanted in a guy except there was one problem i didn't think he would come anywhere near me. well to ym surprise he did and he did a lot more then that. he brought me out of my shell he made me want to live. which was a weird feeling for me because i haven't felt like that in a long long long time. we started dating. he made me the happiest person alive. then we broke up. my world came crashing down when he told me he didn't want to be with my anymore but something really weird happened. he still wanted to talk to me. we actually became best friends. i made him my everything. he is the only thing i know in life. he is my security blanket. and i did the one thing i told myself i would never do...i fell in love with him. i fell so in love with him that i dug myself so deep i can't get out. and now we are going off to college. hes leaving for arizona and i am stuck here. he keeps telling me that everything is going to be okay and that everything is going to stay the same. he told me that he still loves me and the only reason we broke up was because he didnt want to be tied down. i don't know if i really believe him but i think h was telling the truth. but now i don't. tonight he told me that he thinks he is falling in love with his ex girlfriend. i don't get it. it was supposed to be the two of us, me and him, together. i just don't get it. why now why on top of everything that is happening this has to happen. i mean im leaving for college in 2 months. im leaving everything i know. i feel like the world is crashing in on me and its caving in and its about to crush me. i can't deal with this anymore. i can't do it i just want to end it all.
  2. dunnowhat

    dunnowhat Member

    Your world is just beginning. You are going to college, you will meet new more wonderful boys even if you don't believe it and you will look back on this guy with no regrets. I know it is cliche and overused, but this is a temporary problem, don't use a permanent solution to solve it.
  3. minnell92

    minnell92 New Member

    i wish it was that simple. i'm not pretty, i'm not smart, i have nothing going for me. i just dont know what to do anymore. i put all the trust that i didnt have into him and know i just want to end it all and die.
  4. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    You should be more optimistic you're young like dunnowhat says you have so much ahead of you try to stay positive, it's easy to get caught up in the moment. Try to think of things you're greatful for possibly good health, caring and supportive family, other close friends that are their for you and you can confide in, or even more simple things.

    Think of going to college as being almost a new way to invent yourself, people don't know the old you, maybe you were the shy girl before now maybe try being the outgoing flirtatious one who knows just a suggestion. First impressions often mean alot.

    With relationships between males and females it's almost a push/ pull sort of thing when one person(him in this case) pulls away that makes you want him even more. Usually one's best bet isn't to put all their chip on one horse especially until that person hasn't expressed intention of being totally monogamous. Because at that point you become desperate and then it likely pushes them away from you even more.

    Don't get me wrong I'm not saying you should play guy or see a few at once. Younger guys aren't often looking for anything special maybe just a little fun, they want to have fun in college and get their degree and often a relationship especially isn't what their looking for especially a long distance one, that's not to say he doesn't like you and care about you which it sounds like he does.

    anyways just my .02 goodluck in college you will likely look back on this and question why you even considered suicide as the world is full of endless opportunity's for you....

    I know exactly how you feel about putting all the trust you have in someone and having they take it for granted I've had it done to me and it almost reinforces thoughts of not being good enough for anyone etc...Actually it was much more severe then them taking it for granted but I won't go on about my issues here...

    I took my GF for about a year in HS for granted she was for the most part and sweet and innocent girl with some issues just looking to be happy, I should have helped her with her issues so to speak but I only ended up making things worse. That's not to say I was out to hurt her or anything like that as I had some of my own issues, not like that's any excuses but it is a factor.

    Like drug user's or people with personality disorders they can often be good and nice people inside yet they end up doing lots of crazy things and hurting others due to their issues.

    I don't think thats nessicarly the case with this guy he's just young and isn't looking for "the one" just yet so don't get disheartened, it's not because you're not good enough because I'm sure you're a beautiful and intelligent person inside and out :)
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