The Worst Day Of My Life-The Day She Left

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Godsdrummer, Mar 6, 2009.

  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    She didnt die, but I didnt know where else to post this.

    I don't know exactly why I decided to share this, except that I felt like I needed to. I guess because it's theraputic, I don't know. Anyway here is the sad tale;

    It was a Thursday night, late September. My wife seemed to be a really good mood that night, and we even ordered pizza.

    That night my daughter had the camcorder out and was filming me, playing with my son. Later when she went to bed, she gave me a hug. She never does that.
    Later on when I went to bed, I told my wife about this and she replied that maybe it was hormones or something.

    Friday Morning;
    Well I got up and got ready for work, like usual. I even asked my wife for 10.00 for gas.

    As I drove down the road, several blocks away, I noticed in my rear view mirror a vehicle pulling into a driveway in the vincinity of where our townhome was. I thought that was a little peculiar but shrugged it off.

    After work, I did like I always did those days. I stopped at a liquor store, bought a 24 oz can of beer, hit the back roads and drove home while drinking.

    When I got home, my wife's car wasnt there. No big deal...she usually isnt home on Friday's at that time. And I was glad in a way so that I could get inside and freshen my breath.

    When I opened the garage door I noticed the stove we had stored in there was gone. I remembered thinking, wow she sold the stove. When I went into the house, for the first second, everything seemed in order. Then as I happened to glance towards the living room I noticed the TV was gone. And so was the stand, and so was the couch, and so was the recliner, etc. I then rushed to my kids rooms, and they were cleaned out too.

    I went back to the kitchen on the kitchen table were the notes. One from her, and one from each of the kids.

    I broke down and started to cry heavily. I then called my part time job and told my boss what had happened and I wasnt going to be in.

    I then got in my car, and started calling people on the cell phone and driving all over God's earth in a vain attempt to find them. I even went to her Mom's house.

    Later that evening, I called her sister and told her I was going into town to get the supplies I needed to end my life. And I did.

    When I got back home, I started drinking. Soon I would take the other stuff and that would be it. Then the doorbell rang. It was the police, making a wellness check on me.

    I eventually passed out from the booze. And thus ended my worst day.

    Looking back on it, I wished I had the thought to have just started the car, while in the garage and I could have ended it that way.

    And thus my road down suicide lane began. I was suicidal once before all of this happened, but that is a different story.
  2. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    i dont get it why did you call her sister and tell her that you were going to end it. It seems like emotional blackmail to me dude. rather than go through all this charade, why don't you make a firm decision to gradually cut down your drinking which augurs well for you.
  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Nope.....there wasnt any attempt on my part to blackmail anyone. I had every intention of ending my life that night. I called her, because I didnt know who else to call. I called her, because I wanted her to convey a goodbye message.

    Had it not been for the cop that came over and talked me down, I would have gone thru with my attempt.
  4. flowerpot

    flowerpot Well-Known Member

    i'm sincerely sorry.. :sad:
  5. bluebird002

    bluebird002 Active Member

    why did they leave?

    it sounds awful. I don't blame you for feeling like that. No warning, just gone like that. It doesn't sound like they gave you a chance.
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Oh she had been giving me warnings. I was too far gone in the fog of alcoholism to understand or appreciate those warnings.

    My disease drove her away.

    She would say other things...but they are stupid reasons. The big one and the only one, is the alcoholism and all the crap that goes with it. The lying, the hiding...etc.
  7. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    grieve if u must but learn from it dude! a very painful lesson but life goes on. I'm very hungry now, yearning for some beef sandwich. probably throw in some bacons.
  8. bluebird002

    bluebird002 Active Member

    I've had problems with alcoholism myself. I wasn't a full-blown alcoholic but I was developing a problem with it - drinking in the mornings and feeling like there was a demon in the bottle. It was really, really hard to give up but since March of last year I have only had 2 drinks. It can happen. You have to want to do it though - what helped me was reading a lot of 'getting sober' information on the internet and having a buddy to talk with if I felt like drinking.

    your family may get back in contact and it would be great if you could show them that you have given up the alcohol.

    giving up alcohol won't solve your problems, but it does create and make depression worse.

    anyway, I empathise and wish you luck in whatever endeavour you choose.