Last night I fought with my best friend. We said a lot of horrible things to each other. I apologized but she hasn't yet. I don't really have many friends. I feel so alone and stupid. I'm so pathetic that I base my self worth on what someone thinks of me. But what is so wrong with me that I can't have someone close in my life who cares if I die or not? I have a few friends who I know would be disturbed by my death and of course there's my mother. It just bothers me more than I can deal with that the person I care about most thinks I'm a sorry excuse for a person. And I'm just a needy loser for wanting her to like me. I called my doctor. I'm going back on meds tomorrow. I hate this feeling so much and I just want it to stop. It aches in every cell of my body.